My 2014 Theme Song! One Life – Boyce Avenue

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My 2014 Theme Song! One Life – Boyce Avenue

You lie awake while the world’s asleep
You made mistakes and you’re in too deep
But now is the time

Alarm goes off but you feel too weak
Your soul’s too heavy for your feet
But now is the time

Open your eyes
And know you’re free to come alive
You’ve got to live it while you can
We only get one life

Look to the sky
Don’t ever let it pass you by
You’ve got to live it while you can
We only get one life

You’ve lost your faith and a life that’s cursed
You’ve cried so hard inside it hurts
But now’s the time

Outside the sun is coming up
Inside you think you’ve given up
But now’s the time

Open your eyes
And know you’re free to come alive
You’ve got to live it while you can
We only get one life

Look to the sky
Don’t ever let it pass you by
You’ve got to live it while you can
We only get one life
One life

It’s time to stay up and fight
It’s time for making it right
We only get one life
One life
One life

And when it feels like a lie
I’ll be your reason to try
We only get one life

Open your eyes
And know you’re free to come alive
You’ve got to live it while you can
We only get one life

Look to the sky
Don’t ever let it pass you by
You’ve got to live it while you can
We only get one life
One life

It’s time to stay up and fight
It’s time for making it right
We only get one life
One life
One life

And when it feels like a lie
I’ll be your reason to try
We only get one life
One life

Filed Under: General, Gratitude, West Nova Family

An open letter of thanks…

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Photo by Paul Wesson Photography

Have you ever ended a relationship where there was so much you had left to say, but knew it was better left alone? That to extend even one smidgen of communication was to open a door best left closed securely <with a dead bolt>?

 

Sometimes I just need to get things off of my chest, I write them out and then shred or burn the words away. But sometimes there are things worth hanging onto. Whether he ever knows it, I do.

 

I believe everything happens for a reason, we don’t always know what the reason is right away, or even at all. But there is a reason none-the-less.

 

I try to reflect on lessons learned and not repeat mistakes that can be avoided. Though I have noted sometimes I make the same mistakes multiple times before the lesson really becomes ingrained, or the actual depth of it becomes clear. I know that however painful life can be and is, that if I can learn something from each experience it makes it all worthwhile. No regrets. Everything I have been through has brought me to this very point… in this moment.

 

And so my letter follows:

 

This letter is one of thanks to you for being part of my life, however short and stormy, yet happy and intense a season it was.

 

I am thankful to you for opening my eyes to a number of important possibilities. I am at a crossroads. I have determined that there are more changes yet to come. One of the possibilities being contemplating leaving. Leaving the community I have been calling home for nearly seven years. And another being that of returning. Returning to a setting that is more my pace and atmosphere. Returning to the only place I really know as “home”.

 

I could have made a completely new change, but I’ve come to realize – in losing some of that newness I had been so fervently embracing with you – what I really yearn for. I yearn for the story I have living within me… to grow and to flourish. The circle of my life is bringing me back “home”.

 

I thank you for showing me that rushing in is not wise, even when we think we’ve found the exception. That no matter how much I want to believe, I can not actually know without taking the time to learn.

 

I am grateful to you for showing me that even the toughest skin can have a softness that will embrace caring – caring for me in ways that I need and want. For showing me that someone will see me as worth giving everything for.

 

I am grateful to myself for finally seeing the light and not sacrificing myself for the missing pieces. I thought I’d found the whole package, and yet an integral piece was still missing. You know what piece that was, and it saddened me that you could not give it to me, even as you tried.

 

When I have all of it – together… after slowly growing with the man I am meant to… into a relationship of trust and respect, of love and nurturing, of learning and adventure, of dreams and of really truly living, I will finally be “home” in every sense.

 

I am sorry that we couldn’t have that together. But I thank you for being a part of my story.

 

Drop me a note in the comments below, or connect with me on Twitter @ceilidhontherun, email me at ceilidho at ceilidhontherun dot com, or use my contact form!

I invite you to subscribe to my blog using one of the options available on my page (email, rss, Google Connect, like my page on Facebook, etc.)

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More life lessons… lessons of love

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Life can take so many turns and throw so many obstacles and changes of course at you. Sometimes one must stop, step back and look at things as if from someone else’s viewpoint.

How did I get here? Was I really in that other place just a year ago? If this is where I was headed all along, why didn’t my path bring me to this point sooner?

I’ve always believed that every part of my life has served a purpose and contributes to who I am today. That isn’t to say that I’ve liked it. I wouldn’t wish many of the heartaches I’ve experienced on anyone. Twice married, twice failed. Dreams unfulfilled. Mistaken choices. Childhood bullying. Betrayals and great loss. The list goes on. Even the small things added up to big hurt.

Score-keeping seemed to be the norm in my past relationships. When a scorecard is in place there really is no winning at love. It’s not possible to find real happiness in a relationship in which there is constant reminder of what the other has “given up” to be with you… What they continued to sacrifice on your behalf, and appeared not to appreciate that much was being given in return. Those things that were given in a partnership, becoming stockpiled one-sided inventory of the sacrifices made in an unsatisfactory relationship instead.

Moving on, I thought I had it all figured out. I know what I want, who I’m compatible with in terms of values, and what life goals need to be shared in partnership with a man I can love with all of my heart.

I never dreamed how much my past could come back to challenge that. We must learn from our experiences and they certainly mold who we become, but once in a while I really wish I could just start over. Perhaps not relive things, but just erase those prior chapters and have a new beginning. Couldn’t I just keep the gyst of the life lessons learned before this chapter began… and of course my children?

I like where this new chapter is headed. I want a fresh start, I want to begin life anew with my man. A man who has the sensitivity to listen and to want to build a life with me, even if we must start over right from the ground building a whole new foundation.

I have learned to appreciate whatever comes to be as an improvement over what has been. I can love and be loved, but can I cherish and can I be truly cherished? Would I have a real appreciation of his fun-loving ways? Would I appreciate his generosity? Would I really know how wonderful it is to have him listen attentively to what I am saying? To have him offer validation for how I feel, even when he doesn’t quite “get it” or know how to fix it?

I can, I would, and I do! We all have our flaws, I am certainly no exception. I know that the man I love and am loved by will work with me to overcome those. And in so doing the foundation will be laid stronger.

Have you ever sat back and wondered why? It’s hard not to. Why me? Why now? Why does the universe throw such tough stuff at us? Why do we experience loss and grief? Why do we experience heartache? Why do we struggle to make ends meet?

No, I don’t want to go back. I don’t wish to learn the tough lessons over again. Partial amnesia seems much more palatable. Letting go isn’t easy.

But let go, we must! Ultimately we have so much to gain when we do. New love. Passionate connection. Achieving dreams. Magic & mystery. Lifted spirits. … Joy.

This is I know is what in store for this new chapter of my life and love.

Are you ready to risk it all and let go of the hurts of the past? I want to take the plunge and jump in with both feet! Will you as well? The waters promise to be blissful!

Drop me a note in the comments below, or connect with me on Twitter @ceilidhontherun, email me at ceilidho at ceilidhontherun dot com, or use my contact form!

I invite you to subscribe to my blog using one of the options available on my page (email, rss, Google Connect, like my page on Facebook, etc.)

If you enjoyed this post, please do like/share it. You can do so using the easy share button below!

 

 

 

Filed Under: General, Gratitude, West Nova Family

What are the odds?

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I’m usually one to carefully consider my words. Last month’s post is no exception. I sat with my verbal expression of the decision to end things for a couple of months. I revisited and edited and finally published my post. Even in so doing, I was uncertain. Why post it now? Because I have more of my story to share. I have a story of risk and courage and bliss. It could not have come to be without it’s preface.

Have you ever found yourself living a contradiction of sorts?

You’re an atheist, but in crisis find yourself sending a prayer up to the universe? You’re a health nut, but find yourself craving some totally garbage junk food? You’re cautious, responsible and thoughtful, yet find yourself head over heels in love after a matter of days?

I am SO there. I have been trying to analyze and justify what is happening to me. But there is no reasoning this. I simply and insanely have fallen hard for a man who has everything I want. He shares my dreams. He is caring and expressive. He is honest and direct. He is ambitious and hard-working. He loves life and pursues his dreams. He’s an incredible father, and wants more of that with me. He’s a christian. He’s active and fit. He’s easygoing and gentle. He’s tough and he’s sexy. He’s everything.

Since we met we have spoken throughout everyday. We haven’t missed one. We’ve fallen in love with each others’ dreams. We’ve fallen in love with each others’ children. We already envision ourselves in each others’ lives, ambitions and futures.

Loving this hard and fast is scary as hell. Yet it feels so right.
There really is someone out there for me and I can find him a hell of a lot faster than I ever imagined, if only I am willing to take the risk. To love hard and fast and deep. To be courageous and love fiercely, as my good friend Kirk advised me. There is so much to gain. A loving partner who is willing to do anything to make me happy for the rest of my life. A parent who shares in my ideals. A man who dreams of the same visions as mine.

Someone who is willing to risk it all, to have me in his life and gives everything he’s got to make me happy. There really is someone out there for each of us, we just have to be willing to take the risk to find them.

Filed Under: General, Gratitude, West Nova Family Tagged With: , ,

Life is short

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Well, my writing keeps getting stalled and then something else comes along to write about. I’m going nowhere fast and the motivation for today’s post is about exactly that. Living life to the fullest – now. Making sure that I take my life where I want it to go.

 

I can’t believe the number of reminders I’ve received in recent months and days of just how short life can be. While still reeling from the loss of my mother six months ago tomorrow. At just 59, after a short illness with cancer, her life was too short. I have been trying to do what I need to to make my life count. To be able to say confidently at any given time that if today is to be the day that the book of my life comes to an End I did all that I could to live the life that I wish to. Will I be happy with what I have done with my life to date?

 

Yesterday, after having the opportunity to give back to an event that has brought me a lot of great memories, I reflected on the new memories made, and the tragic loss of a participant. For the first time in the history of the Cabot Trail Relay, on the final km of the final leg of the 25th anniversary running, we lost a runner. He was an experienced runner who had raced the Cabot Trail almost as many years as it has been running.

 

The crew and organizing committee as well as the running community are all mourning with his family. Remembering that he was a runner, but also a man, husband, father, brother, son, friend…

 

Later today I was delivered more news. This time a life has not been lost, but changed in the blink of an eye, with those oh so dreadful words “you have Cancer”. 27 years old, with cancer that has metastasized to her back, causing a fracture of the sacrum. 27 years old.

 

It’s news like that of my friend’s; like the loss of Steve Dunn, a 58 year old living a healthy active life; like losing my mom far too early that have caused me to pause and really reflect on life, my dreams and aspirations, and the impact I have had.

 

Do you take the time to do this? I don’t do it often enough. Nor have I taken it seriously enough until the last few months. Big changes are ahead, and it’s a stormy, rough sea I’ll be sailing for a while. In the end I will be certain I have pursued the life I truly wish to be living. Ultimately, that is what really matters.

 

 

 

Filed Under: General, Gratitude, West Nova Family Tagged With: , , , , , ,

Reflections on motherhood

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Yesterday’s workshop at Chester Art Centre with Kate Inglis gave me lots of food for thought regarding self-portraiture as a means of meditating on particular emotions, and on photography & storytelling.

Here I am trying to capture my reflection on motherhood and what it means to me. I think I started getting the process of making a self-portrait, but am still really working on how to get to the depth of emotions.

Self-portrait

 

Raggedy Ann has been with me since birth, or at the very least my first few days of life. Looking at her stitched up neckline, her ratty clothing and her floppy arms reminds me of how much love my mother shared with me. Her expressions of love in the little things (and big things) she did for us, including rescuing my raggedy doll from a heartless purge attempt by someone after a move. 😉

Raggedy Ann

 

I have a small collection of things that remind me of mom & Nanny that I keep handy for when I need their comforting maternal love. Placed on a shelf next to my reading chair. Sometimes I need only glance in that direction, while others I cling to that little bear trying to breathe in the essence of those two amazing women.

Mothers breathe life into their children, mold them and guide them, nurturing their very being. Only mothers seem able to see right into the soul and really know who their children are. There is an ability from early on to distinguish bits of personality that may be nurtured but never stamped out. Through a mother’s love children become people in the wholest sense of the word.

Soul of a Child

 

 

Filed Under: Gratitude, Parenting, Photos, West Nova Family Tagged With: , ,

Dad brought me daffodils from mom’s gardens for Mother’s Day

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Filed Under: General, Gratitude, Photos, West Nova Family Tagged With: , , ,

BE the good life.

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Sometimes you just have to take the time to acknowledge how good your life really is. Forget all the crappy, stressful stuff that has piled up in the back of your mind and focus. Focus on everything good. Or focus on one good thing. Whatever works.

 

Today I am feeling good. I am feeling awesome actually. I believe I am experiencing the least amount of pain that I have in years. I don’t mean in general, and I know it may be different by the end of the day. But right now, in this moment. I feel really, really good. Fantastic actually.

 

And this moment is all we truly have isn’t it? We don’t know what is coming, and everything in the past, is well – in the past. So take a moment to embrace how good your life is RIGHT NOW. Find the thing that you know makes your life awesome and live it. Experience it. BE it.

 

Filed Under: balance, General, Gratitude Tagged With: , ,

Mom in my memories

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Growing up, a forces’ kid, things never stayed the same for long. It was so for my parents too, each air force kids, and then mom becoming a mountie’s wife. Mom knew the life of change, and embraced the adventure we were on. We knew no other way, and thanks to mom, we accepted it as it was. Our constants in our lives, were our parents, and each other. My siblings and I, especially in our early years were close.


Every summer spent on the road, either traveling to a new home, or traveling for the joy of it. Living out of tents, campers, and trailers. We were each others’ closest companions for more of the time I can recall, than we were not. We helped each other make new friends everywhere we went. We were happy, friendly kids. We had the love of our parents and the confidence to do anything we set our minds to, thanks to mom and dad.

 

Mom’s role varied over the years from stay at home mom, to working mom, and back again, depending on where we lived and what the needs of us kids were. My sister and I never experienced daycare. We played with the neighborhood kids and went to mom and tot exercise classes together. Our first home was a country bungalow in rural Nova Scotia. Where our closest friends were our immediate neighbors, who have been like family ever since, even with all of the miles that were placed between us for most of our succeeding years. Mom kept a constant contact with those who were dearest to her.

 

My Nanny and Grampy, my auntie, my uncles and aunt, friends who we came to know as extended family. She wrote newsy Christmas letters and made the most of every phone call. I have vivid recollection of mom’s voice chatting animatedly and her laughter filling the room. Our travels always took us to the home of some special friends/family, and often included lasting friends joining us at campgrounds. Mom treated their friends’ children like her own, and their friends did the same with us.

 

Mom always belonged to a crafters’ guild of some sort, from Stitch n Bitch, to co-op craft store and art association. I always think of mom with handwork on the go. Her mediums varied like the places we called home. Needlepoint and machine sewing, painting and dried flower arrangements. When I think of mom, I think of beautiful craftsmanship and her appreciation of the life surrounding her. Mom wanted to share her skills with us, yet didn’t recognize herself as an artist until her later years.

 

Mom volunteered at school activities and became a leader at brownies and guides. When we started home economics studies in school, I already knew all of the basic sewing and cooking skills. I was encouraged to follow my heart in so many directions with gymnastics and skating and reading and writing. I went on long hiking camp-outs that most other parents wouldn’t have considered their children ready for. Mom gave me a long lead to explore my interests and learn new things, while still keeping me well within her watchful eye. She fostered independence and responsibility in me.

 

When I look at the photos I made of mom’s creations and her joys, I am struck by her appreciation for life’s beauty. When I walk into hers and dad’s home I feel embraced by her, even in her absence. The objects and creations that I photographed all come from that place. They are all things that I wanted to capture for the rest of my days in memory of mom. As a reminder of the love she showered us all with.


 

Filed Under: General, Gratitude, Parenting, West Nova Family Tagged With: ,

Things about myself that I became better acquainted with while away:

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  • Distractions keep me from facing the depths of my emotions
  • There are fewer people in my life that I am comfortable being truly vulnerable with than I realized
  • Water is my greatest physical therapy
  • I wish Florida was a part of Canada (like Alaska is a state)
  • I love my family
  • I cherish my time away from everyone and everything (and wish for more)
  • Running is my mental health/therapy
  • I will never see my mother again in this life
  • Life is unfair
  • I need more sunshine
  • I am fortunate
  • I love to travel and experience new places
  • I feel alone
  • I have many people in my life who care about me and mine

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Drop me a note in the comments below, or connect with me on Twitter @ceilidhontherun, email me at ceilidho at ceilidhontherun dot com, or use my contact form!

I invite you to subscribe to my blog using one of the options available on my page (email, rss, Google Connect, like my page on Facebook, etc.)

If you enjoyed this post, please do like/share it. You can do so using the easy share button below!

Filed Under: balance, General, Gratitude, West Nova Family Tagged With:
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