When is the last time you had a weekend getaway?

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For a mom, there is no shame in getting away from your family and day-to-day obligations once in a while. They just might need a break from you too. 😉 It’s been a long time since I found the opportunity to do so. Last time I tried, didn’t work out as intended.

Everyone gets a little break in the routine when Mommy goes away. The girlies get a break from mommy’s impatient demands… Ian gets a break from all of Mommy’s tossing and turning at night…

This girls’ long weekend to New York has been in the works for far too long, and was indeed much needed. Finding a friend to travel with can be tricky, but luckily we have had other opportunities for shorter road trips (to/from races overnight) before and knew we could travel well together.

We headed out taking the longer more economical route via Toronto. It gave us a chance to catch up and enjoy the hockey team lunch at the airport bar. 😉 After uneventful flights and a short train ride across the river, we found ourselves walking through Times Square on our way to our home away from home.

How lucky were we! We were spoiled rotten by our host with Broadway tickets all four nights of the visit, and fantastic “New York style barbecue” everyday at a different restaurant.

From February 14, 2012

During the day there were sites to be seen and adventures to behold!

Spiderman – Turn off the Dark was truly a spectacular show; Mamma Mia! Was so much fun;

From February 14, 2012

and Rock of Ages was funny and brought you back in time with great music.

A big Off-Broadway show that we were lucky to see is very quirky and hugely popular: Fuerza Bruta.

From February 14, 2012

Now, be assured, family at home were not forgotten, souvenir gifts and photos of things they would love to see in the Big Apple were captured for all.

Some favourite sites included: Central Park,

From February 14, 2012

Times Square,

From February 14, 2012

Grand Central, New York Public Library, Brooklyn Bridge

From February 14, 2012

and Lady Liberty.

From February 14, 2012

One of the most memorable was of course the 9/11 memorial site.

From February 14, 2012

All told Mommy enjoyed the break away, and looks forward to more time to herself in the near future! Perhaps even running under the palm trees of Palmetto, Florida!

Filed Under: 12in12, balance, General, Parenting, Photos, West Nova Family Tagged With: , , , ,

What would mom say? And a small #12er update

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I thought about mom so much today. And yet, I felt I had very little time to think of her at all.

I screwed up my baking and knew mom would have a good laugh with me about it. Reminding me that I usually prove to her that I did not get my baking skills from her. That it was likely just a hiccup in an otherwise wonderful talent.

There is so much happening that I wish I could talk with her about, from challenges with family, to my plans to get back into a good state of health. I’d love to share all the little details of the business I am considering, to hear her thoughts of what I could do to make it my own.

I want her to walk through the door with her exaggerated exclamations at all of the progress we’ve made in settling into our new home. She’d ask after my 12in12 challenge, and how my quest for greater joy in the big picture of life is going. She’d offer me encouragement at my set-backs and bad pain days, and she’d share with me how she feels/felt the same way sometimes. Mom would find the little celebrations, like how I’ve managed to walk everyday (yippee, today is day 25!), and she’d wonder at how fortunate it is that we bought that treadmill.

Mom would remind me, as if I might have forgotten, of what a good man I have found in Ian. How she knows he only wishes for my happiness, and that I only have to ask and he’ll do everything in his power for me. She’d point out all of the things she’s noticed about how he’s taking care of me, of us, of our family. She’d share again her happiness at our marriage and assure me that she was there with me cheering us on.

She just couldn’t hold on any longer.

She’d be saddened at how some things have unfolded since her passing. But she’d assure me that one can only do so much, and that I have to take care of myself, so that I can take care of those precious not-so-little-anymore girlies. She’d remind me that she’s here in all the wonder of life around us. She’s watching over and keeping an eye on dad out there all by himself.

Mom would ask after the books I am reading, and whether I’m still enjoying the book club. She’d ask after my friends. She’d tell me how much she’s enjoyed my photo projects and the annual family photo calendar I created and gave them again. Mom would have so much to say and ask of me, while as always sharing very little about herself.

The one thing she’d tell me of herself is how much she’s aware of my heartache and that she wishes she could take it away for me. She’d tell me that she remembers how hard it was when she too lost her mom far too young. When she’d had to comfort her children who’d lost their Nanny too soon, and look out for her dad on behalf of everyone, including her mom. She’d want me to be comforted in knowing that she eventually grew to accept her loss, and that I too would come to live on in her absence – finding joy in all of the little things and even more in all of the big things.

Mom would remind me that she’ll be here with me/us in every new dawn.

And for that, I thank you, mom.

Filed Under: 12in12, Cancer, Parenting, TBR 2012, West Nova Family Tagged With: , , , , ,

Team Diabetes Bluenose: me & my girlies

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Once again I have joined Team Diabetes, a team of people from across Canada who will be crossing the finish line together and who have raised funds to support the more than 9 million Canadians living with diabetes or pre-diabetes. I will be on the course of the 2012 Blue Nose Marathon (Local). This is not a travel event, so administrative costs are very low, hopefully allowing more of the fundraising dollars to go to research and support.

This year, not only did my oldest daughter (who will be eleven on the race course this year) decide to run again, but her 8 year old sister has decided to join in as well! They are both dedicated to supporting the cause of diabetes research and support because of their Auntie Dana who was diagnosed Type 1 five years ago at the age of 30. Please help us to support people like my sister who and suffer numerous health complications due to Diabetes. You can read my sister’s story here: Why I Run for Team Diabetes.

You can read about my 2010 Bluenose 10K here; and mine & Breanna’s 2011 5K here.

It takes dedication to be part of Team Diabetes, but we are committed to making a big difference in our lives, and in the fight against type 1 and type 2 diabetes.

One of the greatest contributions of the Canadian Diabetes Association is toward outstanding Canadian research. But that is not all the Association does – it runs camps for young people with diabetes and provides education and special services to people affected by diabetes in communities across Canada.

As we participate in this event, you will be with us in spirit and your support will help us be strong all the way to the finish line. A donation for each kilometre is suggested, but whatever you can contribute matters – it all adds up!

Our goal is to raise a minimum of $350 each ($1050 total) by mid-March and continue to raise additional funds until race day!

If you want to support our mission, please click the following link(s):

Pledge Trish

Pledge Breanna

Pledge Payten

Thank you so much for your generosity!

Trish, Breanna & Payten

Filed Under: Advocacy, Diabetes, General, Health & Fitness, Parenting, West Nova Family Tagged With: , ,

Finding our new normal

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The grieving process has so many aspects to it. We grieve the loss of our loved one. We grieve the loss of our future as we envisioned it. We grieve the loss of our daily normal life as we knew it.

For those of us directly effected by that normal daily life it can be the most challenging, emotional, exhausting part of grief.

When my ex-husband and I split up 6 years ago this was most definitely true for me and our girlies.

When we lost my 59 year old grandmother suddenly to liver disease 25 years ago, this was certainly true for my grandfather.

Since losing my 59 year old mother after a short illness with cancer 4 weeks ago, this is absolutely true for my father.

Nothing prepares us for the grief or loss in such circumstances. It is raw. It is ever present. It comes in waves. And it overcomes us.

There are no tried and true answers. There is no remedy for grief. Time is the ultimate healer. Yet, I do try to assist this process along.

Holidays and special occasions bring with them added intensity to feelings. Some of our traditions and rituals bring great comfort with the wash of happy memories that come with them. Others bring an unanticipated painful flood of raw grief.

It’s not possible to stop the hurting, nor is it healthy to try to do so. However, I have found that creating new memories and traditions that will be associated with them have brought comfort. The things that I have found most challenging to face, I tried to change in some way. Letting someone new take it on, or doing it in a new way, and creating a joyful association with the new rituals that will continue with our new normal.

The firsts are always the toughest. This will be our first Christmas without my mom. We will all be gathered in my home, which became the new tradition after my girlies and I moved back to Nova Scotia. Every Christmas that I have them home with me, we host and the girls get to sleep in their own beds before waking up to the spoils of Santa’s mid-night visit. Christmases without my children are very different, and intentionally so.

This year I will prepare mom’s Christmas brunch on the eve. We’ve asked my grandfather to provide a soup for Christmas Eve that he hasn’t cooked for us since he remarried. Mom won’t be here to overfill the stockings with her little extras that could fill a stocking each on their own. I decided to take care of everyone’s stockings myself rather than try to recruit help when no one is in the spirit. And this year my sister, dad & I will prepare the feast without mom’s singing to keep us inspired.

There are gifts under the tree from mom. These will be emotional and special in her all-to-obvious absence. It’s also far too reminiscent of a Christmas long ago, when the three of us kids unwrapped some very special knits that mom’s mom had completed, right down to the wrappings before she became ill herself.

Yet, it will be the first Christmas in six years that dad will have all of his children under the same roof as he. The first ever that all of his children and grandchildren will be. It will be the first that we are all together with my grandfather (mom’s dad) and wife, and my uncle (mom’s brother), just like the many Christmases after we lost Nanny.

Family drawing together to guide one another through a difficult and bittersweet time. Drawing upon the children for the joyful spirit that most of us aren’t naturally inclined to this year, we’ll make it so for the girlies.

Filed Under: balance, Cancer, Parenting, West Nova Family Tagged With: , , , , , , , ,

Team Diabetes Bluenose 5k: Race day

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(Click for Part 1)

Sunday morning was upon us. I have not been training due to my chronic pain. B has not been training because she’s simply a really busy kid. I’m confident we’ll be fine, we have no time goals, we’re just going to have fun.

Auntie Dana arrives in time to head out for the races with us. She, Ian & Payten will volunteer with Team Diabetes at the final aid station at the finish line, handing out water to the finishers. After pee breaks we make our way to the start and watch the ~1000 marathoners start. It’s truly a remarkable site, all of those runners in one place. Next up are the half marathoners, then we make our way to the Team Diabetes gathering spot, get a pre-race photo taken and wait for our turn.

From Family 2011

The 5K is truly a fun event to participate in. There are runners & walkers, and while waiting for the start there are photo-ops, including with the race mascot Myles. A pre-race warm-up with something like 1500 runners/walkers all attempting to follow an impromptu aerobic routine certainly got everyone into the spirit of things.

From Family 2011
From Family 2011

Breanna was nervous about the race, but she did fantastic. She ran a pretty steady pace most of the course, with only a few breaks to walk or stretch out a tight muscle. She and another Team D participant played tag for the duration of the 5K, whenever one passed the other, leap-frogging along. With just enough challenge to make it feel like a personal accomplishment, we were so happy to have been a part of the Bluenose on behalf of Team Diabetes and my sister. The icing on the cake was having Dana there with Ian & Payten to congratulate us at the finish line!

From Family 2011
Filed Under: Advocacy, Diabetes, Health & Fitness, Parenting, West Nova Family Tagged With: , , ,

Running for a cause with one of my most precious

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It’s amazing what one can bring themselves to do when it involves a cause one believes in passionately. I have run for Team Diabetes twice before. My involvement was prompted by my sister’s late-in-life (relatively speaking) Type 1 diagnosis. She was 30, her sugars 31. Within two months she began having seizures. It’s been a very difficult battle, with many, many new health complications. All of which interact and effect the other. I signed on with Team D when I was at a complete loss to support her while living on the opposite side of this vast country.

Last year my ten-year-old told me upon finishing that she wanted to run for Team D herself next time. Next time, was this past weekend. Much of the fundraising I was able to do simply by setting up our donation pages and posting frequent details about the event, motivation of our participation, and how to pledge. Everyone expressed their support for her extraordinary drive. Breanna took her pledge sheet door-to-door all by herself and collected donations from the neighbors that she knows. I was proud of her for being willing to step outside her comfort zone and do that all by herself.

Then we were invited to share our story and our “why”, the story behind our support for the cause. We spoke briefly at the pre-race pasta dinner, and as scared as B was, she overcame her nerves and shared a few details about four people she knows who have their own battles with the disease, most importantly her auntie. I probably rambled for too long. I did not prepare notes as it felt like it would be more impressionable if it came directly from the heart. I had to compose myself a few times, but I managed to keep it together and share some of the biggest challenges Dana faces, as well as my desire for people to know how much impact Diabetes can have on a life. So many people have no idea what it can look like.

This was a really great lead up to the race and helped both of us to feel more connected to the larger movement.

(Click for Part 2)

Filed Under: Advocacy, Diabetes, Health & Fitness, Parenting, West Nova Family Tagged With: , , , ,

I’ve been published on YMC!

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I’ve been published on the YummyMummyClub again! This time we’re talking about how to #momthevote
Check out my article here

 

As we all know, there are very few moms in politics. Granted there are very few women in politics, whether they be moms or no. I have pondered the many reasons why women in our country enter politics far less often than men.

 

There are so many factors, but I believe the biggest to be the one that stops me short. It is simply far too great a sacrifice of my role as a mother. The long hours, the instability, the travel… Of course today’s men with children at home are making great sacrifices too. That may be why our public offices are filled with grey-haired grandfatherly types.

 

I don’t think any of the reasons that women are absent on the floors of legislative assemblies are insurmountable. Most of which can be overcome in time. I have to believe that.

 

Why IS it so critical that women become involved in the legislative process? Why IS it so important to vote? If we DON’T make our voices heard, we will continue to see policies incongruent with the needs and values of families. If we don’t stand up and stick our necks out, we can expect the same old boys’ club to prevail in our political forums.

 

For me the question has become HOW can I be involved while still maintaining my own family’s balance? Perhaps one day it will seem appropriate to step into the ring. Perhaps one day I will find the solutions I am looking for around how to make it work. In the meantime, I must get involved in some other way.

 

I have chosen to support two candidates in this federal election. One is the candidate for whom I will vote on Election Day. He’s a fantastic family man with values that closely align with my own. The other is a female candidate from a neighboring riding. Megan Leslie has been a remarkable Member of Parliament and speaks to the values of my family. She is doing what I so wish to see many other women doing.

 

How exactly can one person support women in politics? How can women, and especially moms, become engaged in the electoral process?

 

I began with information gathering. I have found this to be time-consuming and at times confusing.

 

There are many ways to become engaged. Going out to forums to meet the candidates in person, seeing how people present publicly is valuable. But I like to get to know the candidates. They are seeking to serve us and should willingly welcome the opportunity to speak with constituents in person. In the past I always waited for the candidates to come to me, canvassing at my door – only to meet very few this way.

 

In a federal riding there can be in the vicinity of 70,000 constituents. A federal election campaign lasts 35 days. Realistically, they are not going to make it to my door. But I can go to them! Every candidate has a campaign office. I don’t think you can find a more welcoming place than a campaign office.

 

Once I identified my pick, I became more engaged by supporting their campaign. There are so many ways to do this, from following their tweets and status updates and sharing with friends, to making campaign donations, and volunteering on the campaign doing anything from data entry to foot and phone canvassing to delivering signs.

 

As I mentioned before, I am a busy mom. I have two girls age 7 and 10. The only way I could find time to support my candidate(s) was to bring them along. They have helped me stuff envelopes, attended rallies and are a part of the everyday conversation about election activities. I can think of no better way than to encourage better representation of and by women (and their families) than to raise them up to be actively engaged!

Filed Under: Advocacy, Parenting Tagged With: , , , ,

Mom the Vote for our Children

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As we all know, there are very few moms in politics. Granted there are very few women in politics, whether they be moms or no. I have pondered the many reasons why women in our country enter politics far less often than men.

There are so many factors, but I believe the biggest to be the one that stops me short. It is simply far too great a sacrifice of my role as a mother. The long hours, the instability, the travel… Of course today’s men with children at home are making great sacrifices too. That may be why our public offices are filled with grey-haired grandfatherly types.

I don’t think any of the reasons that women are absent on the floors of legislative assemblies are insurmountable. Most of which can be overcome in time. I have to believe that.

Why IS it so critical that women become involved in the legislative process? Why IS it so important to vote? If we DON’T make our voices heard, we will continue to see policies incongruent with the needs and values of families. If we don’t stand up and stick our necks out, we can expect the same old boys’ club to prevail in our political forums.

For me the question has become HOW can I be involved while still maintaining my own family’s balance? Perhaps one day it will seem appropriate to step into the ring. Perhaps one day I will find the solutions I am looking for around how to make it work. In the meantime, I must get involved in some other way.

I have chosen to support two candidates in this federal election. One is the candidate for whom I will vote on Election Day. He’s a fantastic family man with values that closely align with my own. The other is a female candidate from a neighboring riding. Megan Leslie has been a remarkable Member of Parliament and speaks to the values of my family. She is doing what I so wish to see many other women doing.

How exactly can one person support women in politics? How can women, and especially moms, become engaged in the electoral process?

I began with information gathering. I have found this to be time-consuming and at times confusing.

There are many ways to become engaged. Going out to forums to meet the candidates in person, seeing how people present publicly is valuable. But I like to get to know the candidates. They are seeking to serve us and should willingly welcome the opportunity to speak with constituents in person. In the past I always waited for the candidates to come to me, canvassing at my door – only to meet very few this way.

In a federal riding there can be in the vicinity of 70,000 constituents. A federal election campaign lasts 35 days. Realistically, they are not going to make it to my door. But I can go to them! Every candidate has a campaign office. I don’t think you can find a more welcoming place than a campaign office.

Once I identified my pick, I became more engaged by supporting their campaign. There are so many ways to do this, from following their tweets and status updates and sharing with friends, to making campaign donations, and volunteering on the campaign doing anything from data entry to foot and phone canvassing to delivering signs.

As I mentioned before, I am a busy mom. I have two girls age 7 and 10. The only way I could find time to support my candidate(s) was to bring them along. They have helped me stuff envelopes, attended rallies and are a part of the everyday conversation about election activities. I can think of no better way than to encourage better representation of and by women (and their families) than to raise them up to be actively engaged!

Filed Under: Advocacy, Parenting, West Nova Family Tagged With: , ,

Bullying – yet another saga… (Installment #3)

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(For previous installments see:  To hell & back, bullying at primary school and  Bullying, the next installment )

My daughter’s experiences with bullying are probably the most difficult to tell. Not necessarily because they were worse, but because they really are not my stories to share. I can only give the viewpoint of the mother. As I have shared previously, going to an adult at the time that the bullying occurred was not something I was inclined to do. I can only hope that I have set up an environment in which my daughter is more inclined to speak out than I was. I can say this: I have a much better understanding of how helpless my mother must have felt in attempting to protect her young charges.

Who knew bullying would even start as early as grade 2? Perhaps even earlier? My then 8-year-old daughter knows.

When she started school there was an immediate group of fast friends, and of course one or two that she clicked with most readily. The girls were a group of about eight, in Grade Primary (or kindergarten, for the rest of Canada) who played together, went to one another’s birthday parties and were almost all in the same class. My daughter often spoke of one girl who sometimes hit her on the playground. Being an early childhood educator, I imagined the antagonizer to possibly be a young five year old who simply didn’t express herself well and would act out in frustration in this new environment. As it turned out she was a very bright little girl, who was dealing with her own family issues and had an older sister who pushed her around a lot.

As the girls moved into grade 1, the clique grew stronger, and there continued to be little altercations. Both years incidents arose that brought me to the teacher inquiring after the situation. Each year there seemed to be little done to help my daughter.

In grade 2, things escalated. The bully and her best friend often attempted to divide the others, and my daughter became a target for more aggressive behaviours. Her bully organized their friends in excluding my daughter, then at times tried to force her to join in to activities she was not interested in, to the point of physical force. My daughter began having sleeping problems and tummy aches.

I had ignorantly assumed that teachers would have passed along the info to the succeeding grade’s teacher of such concerning behaviours in a so-called zero-tolerance environment. When things got out of hand I approached my daughter’s teacher only to find out it was new news to her.

Some time later I learned from my daughter that she’d been brought to the vice-principal’s office, along with her bully, because of an incident on the playground. No one from the school contacted me. I had to call the school myself to inquire. Not only had it not been communicated to me, but the vice-principal had no knowledge that this had been an ongoing issue since the previous year.

Anyone who works with children who have been bullied knows that we cannot rely on the children to bring the information forward. Communication and keen observation on the part all adults involved are key to addressing this problem. The Nova Scotia government has recently announced a task-force on cyberbullying. I commend this effort. But have we reached a place where we can say that our approach to all other forms of bullying has been effective? There is still so much work to do in effectively addressing bullying in any environment, at any age.

Filed Under: Advocacy, Parenting Tagged With:

Life’s balance, demands and sacrifices / “Left Neglected” response

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I just finished a great book that demonstrated some of my own take on the need for balance in life. Left Neglected is about a corporate mom, with a highly successful and demanding career, living a very fast-paced life with her husband and three children. She is forced to change everything when she has a car accident (because of using her cell phone while driving) and becomes a rehabilitation patient with Left Neglect.

My life was certainly never as fast-paced as hers, nor was the extent of the impact that a demanding life had on me physically. I did however find myself in over my head, with my body telling me I had to make a change. Fibromyalgia, flare-ups, migraines, insomnia, etc. …all are effected by- if not caused by – burning the candle at both ends.

I have always struggled with finding a balance. I love working, and have a strong desire to be a leader and innovator. On the other hand I also love having time to focus on my family. I swung on a pendulum between wanting it all and wanting none of “it” a couple of times before finally coming to the decision that I simply cannot have it all, and won’t be happy with one extreme or the other. So I made a conscious decision to seek a middle ground: part-time employee and part-time at-home parent.

For me life is almost in perfect balance. With a part-time, meaningful job in my field, and the ability to be flexible enough to meet my children’s needs (with the help of my very dedicated spouse) I am more content than I have been for years. I still find myself (often) straying down the path of needing to be busier, and more successful – I have to reign myself in. I have given myself permission to become involved in some personal projects that I can work on at whatever pace works for me at the time. This means sometimes when I have too much on my plate they must take a back burner, but when things slow down they are there for me to pick back up again. 🙂

Balance is whatever works for you. Some people thrive on their careers and find balance in hiring nurturing caregivers that become part of the family. Others choose not to have children at all. Some choose parenthood over the workforce and might return to a career later in life, if ever.

Mostly balance requires accepting the choices we make,while acknowledging that we are the lucky ones. There are few things in life that we don’t have some sort of choice in.

*Left Neglected, by Lisa Genova was provided by Simon & Schuster Canada as a complimentary copy, for participation in the EverythingMom.com National Book Club.

Filed Under: Books, Gratitude, Parenting, West Nova Family Tagged With: ,
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