Love, loss and legacy

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We don’t often think of our legacy until we’ve experienced profound loss. My first experience with loss was when my maternal grandmother died at 59. I was 11. We were a transient (federal police force) family. We had just moved from north west Canada back to south east Canada after 7 years away. We had a couple of months before Nanny became ill. She died 8 weeks later of what appeared to be cirrhosis of the liver (due to hepatitis that she’d contracted while working as a nurse years earlier). My mom stepped in to ensure Nanny’s legacy lived on.

Living with loss

25 years later, my mother became suddenly ill, with many of the same symptoms. Mom died within eight weeks as well – of pancreatic cancer that had presented as secondary liver cancer. My daughter, also the first grandchild, was almost 11. 

love, loss and legacy

Mom knew she was dieing and spent every moment she felt well enough taking care of things. We went to the funeral home as a family to make arrangements. We met with the minister who would conduct her service. We went through all her clothing, jewelry, and creations (she was an artist) together and she decided what she wanted to give to whom. Mom and I talked about how she coped after her own mother died while she had 11, 9 and 5 year old children to care for. Mom’s health deteriorated so rapidly that every time we started planning for the next eventuality it was immediately upon us. 

Distraction in busyness

I spent the last two weeks staying with mom & dad to help with her care as she’d decided to remain at home for her final days.

For months afterward, I helped dad take care of things, from funeral arrangements to closing up their winter property in Florida (and sorting and packing mom’s things so he wouldn’t have to do so alone). I realized months later that I’d not allowed myself the emotional space to really grieve. So, I took a rare opportunity when I found myself home alone one weekend, and I sat down with all of our photos, and I relived memories with mom and sobbed for hours. Those stories are some of the legacy that will not be a loss as we continue to share them.

love, loss and legacy

Relationships after loss

Since losing mom, our family dynamics were forever changed. I grieve the closeness of our family as much as I grieve my mom. And while it’s gotten easier to cope- it still hits me hard and often suddenly. 

Mom died the day after my 37th birthday. But to me my birthday really felt like the day we lost mom – it was the day she really wasn’t herself anymore. And for years when November rolled around, I found myself withdrawing and dreading both dates. Mom was the one who had always made our birthdays special. So not only did I no longer have her to do that for me, but I couldn’t separate my birthday from those memories of her death. 

Love, loss and legacy(ies)

We had not taken enough time to record the legacy of mom’s family’s legacy. And a few years later with the loss of my grandfather, many of the stories that told the legacy of our family were gone.

It’s 11 years this month, and it’s become less intense and less frequent, but it still comes upon me without warning at times. November is still a difficult month for me. But it comes in waves one day at a time and no longer everyday of the month. 

Losing mom taught me to make the most of my life. She said she had no regrets, and I want to be able to say the same. This means not letting the hard things stop me from living. It means living with intention.

Connecting with lost love and new

Mom had a knack for connecting with people. She didn’t let loss stop her. My parents were both air force kids. As a child they moved even more frequently than we did when I was growing up. And everywhere we lived, or visited, mom left her mark on people. She is remembered for her vibrance, warmth, and friendship. 

If my only legacy is that I too have made connections with people that will be remembered beyond our immediate interactions, then I will have a lived a great life. Just as she did. 

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Filed Under: Authentic Connections, Gratitude, Uncategorized Tagged With:

Connection in Autumn – a time of change

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Autumn has always been one of my favourite times of the year. I love the change in colours in nature, love the sweater weather, and I used to be very fond of Hallowe’en, and the connection to change happening all around us.

I have always loved change, and Autumn feels like the symbol of change. Spring is when everything wakes up, summer is growing a season, autumn is harvest time, then a beautiful show of colour, with winter for rest.

connection with the change of autumn

Lately though I have been feeling like fall comes too soon, and then becomes a bit of a non-season. Thanks to climate change, in Nova Scotia the leaves change colour and fall rather quickly, and then we’re left with this in-between, not-quite-winter-blahness until about January…

Interestingly, it feels very much like a representation of the current stage of pandemic-times. We are in the midst of some kind of change, yet the next thing, or return to our cyclical seasons of life, seem to be never really on the horizon. We’re not getting the winter rest. Fall feels like it’s never-ending.

connection with the change of autumn
connection with the change of autumn

Social connection in the autumns of life

It’s no wonder we are feeling such an impact on our well-being. Social connections that once were so important, became almost non-existent. Even the most extraverted of people became quite insular or have been especially restless and lonely while spending much less time connecting with people “in real life”.  Some have found it to be a time to strengthen family connections or have leaned into the superficial connections of social media.

Rebooting life

I found that I enjoyed the reboot of our initial limited access outside of the cocoon of our homes. Then I became quite a homebody and was not reaching out to anyone outside of my cocoon, apart from work. And now, I find myself struggling to re-establish the social connection that I most enjoy – partially fluttering from a few close friends and family members to wanting to expand the perimeter of my circle to other friends and acquaintances.

I feel resistant to the sorts of social activities that I used to be drawn to, while at once yearning for them.

And we keep waiting for that rest that just doesn’t seem to come.

As an introvert, I enjoy the solitude that often comes with winter. But after a very long autumn of solitude and uncertainty at once, I’ve been ready for spring. I want everything around me to wake up and to see growth in everyone and everything…

connection with the change of autumn

Connection with the change of autumn

Many people that I know of have been reconsidering and re-evaluating, and re-engaging in the things that matter to them. It’s the willingness to be open and vulnerable, to accept others where they are at, and to initiate and engage in the things that matter that will change the pervasive feelings of loneliness and belonging all around us, through authentic social connection. If autumn is a time of change, then we’ve been changing long enough that some significant connection should be yet to come. And if we’re in a crisis of human connection, then with intention and by seeking to help others, we can make that change. We must.

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Join us for a FREE five day challenge to make more authentic social connections! https://authentic-connections.mn.co/

For more information on how to develop more authentic connections: https://authentic-connections.mn.co/

Drop me a note in the comments below, or connect with me on Instagram @authenticconnections.community, or Twitter @ceilidhontherun, email me at trish at trishblogs dot com, or use my contact form.

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Filed Under: Authentic Connections, Mental health, Uncategorized Tagged With: , , ,

Connection and Belonging, How we heal (post 1 of 5)

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When I consider my chronic pain and where it all began… I find myself thinking of: connection and belonging and my own healing journey…

…  all that I’ve learned about trauma and how it affects our health – both emotional(mental) and physical…

… how my own story unfolded and the impact various stresses had on my own connections to people and place…

… how my physical health has slowly improved significantly over the last few years…

Loneliness: the impact of connection and belonging on healing
Photo by Paul Wesson Photography

It has become clear to me that connection and belonging have had the most significant impact on my life and healing. I suspect that to be true for most, whether struggling with chronic health concerns or otherwise…

Lost social connection and belonging

  • Moving across the country, leaving loved ones behind…
  • Breakdown of marital relationships…
  • Lost friendships…
  • Death of loved ones…
  • Abusive relationships…
  • Lost family connections…
  • Workplace stress and breakdown…

Any ONE, any number, or ALL of these stressors can elicit a trauma response. At the very least they can be the reason that we are less resilient when trauma occurs. Without important connection, and belonging we can be at risk of turning inward more and more, with no real incentive to draw us back out. What inspires you to do hard things? More importantly, who do you share your journey from inspiration to hard work to reward with?

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Join us for a FREE five day challenge to make more authentic social connections! https://authentic-connections.mn.co/

For more information on how to develop more authentic connections: https://authentic-connections.mn.co/

Drop me a note in the comments below, or connect with me on Instagram @authenticconnections.community, or Twitter @ceilidhontherun, email me at trish at trishblogs dot com, or use my contact form.

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Filed Under: Authentic Connections, Coaching, Health & Fitness, Mental health, Uncategorized Tagged With: ,

What sparks joy for you?

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So many organizing, de cluttering, self-help gurus tell you to think about what sparks joy for you.

Declutter by getting rid of things that don’t bring you joy…

When overwhelmed by the chaos or demanding schedule – such as it is- of your life, focus only on the things that meet your basic needs or spark joy in your life.

It’s true that by eliminating things that don’t bring you joy, you will make room for more joy… But it is also true that experiencing joy can be a mindset shift.

We can become blind to, or stop noticing the joyful things in our lives. There is a reason the figure of speech “stop and smell the roses” is so poignant. So how do we experience more joy without purging things that once brought us joy but doesn’t right now? Or when we can’t eliminate everything from our busy lives that is not joyful?

Mindful experiences can help. Practising gratitude… Acknowledging joyful things in our lives…

Help to feel the joy we’ve become blind to.

So, what would happen if we left our headphones at home while out walking the dog? What if we made a point of noticing the colours of the newly blossoming cherry trees along the way… rather than the latest news podcast or music blasting in our ear buds?

Gratitude sparks joy

What if we took a few moments everyday to note (in a journal like I am writing this in right now) just 2 small things – one that I am grateful for and one that sparks joy in me?

Here are just a few of the things I’ve made note of recently…

  • my dog’s excitement to see me after 5 hours… 5 days… 5 minutes…
  • my competent & reliable staff team
  • memories of childhood captured in my dad’s photographs
  • tasty ice cream treats
  • sunshine and sand or dirt beneath my toes
  • three day weekends

Practise Gratitude / Finding Joy

Not only does this practise make me more likely to look for the joy and/or things I’m thankful for… but it also creates a stronger authentic connection to myself and the things around me each day.

If you wanted to be more connected to your joy, what joy would you make note of right now?

#sparksjoy #findthejoy #practisegratitude #gratitude #journal #gratitudehournal #joyfulconnections #authenticconnections

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Drop me a note in the comments below, or connect with me on Twitter @ceilidhontherun, email me at trish at trishblogs dot com, or use my contact form.

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International Women’s Day #BreakTheBias

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#BreakTheBias

International Women's Day
International Women’s Day

International Women’s Day is so much more than celebrating women’s accomplishments. It’s a day of activism. International Women’s Day is a time to reflect on how far we still need to go for equality for all genders in this world.

Activism

The feminist in me still calls out misogyny and the appalling treatment women continue to receive. I know that I do so from my position of white privilege in the Western World. I live the continued wage gap between men and women. I have experienced the reality of gender-based violence. I have struggled to be heard. To be respected in a room full of mostly male leaders. And yet, I have a roof over my head. I have food on my table. I have the freedom to move about at will…

Ironically, or perhaps more accurately – because of my inherently feminist values, I work in a field that is almost entirely occupied by women. Choosing “women’s work” that is critical to the success of any economy – childcare, early childhood education, family services, and social work, but feels counter intuitive to #BreakingTheBias. I celebrate women who chose non-traditional roles for women. A part of me wants to be them.

Use your privilege

I feel called to speak out from the trenches of women’s fights for equal rights, for safety, and respect. I have always viewed the world through a social justice lens. I am drawn to work helping women who have experienced an amplification of injustice. And from my seat of privilege as an educated white anglophone, I speak out where others may not have the freedom to.  

International Women's Day

I live in a space where air raid sirens are the stuff of international news stories. I am ever mindful that these stories are of real people. Stories of women. Women who are fighting alongside their neighbours for the very freedom that we often take for granted in North America. Women who are rushing their children into basement shelters in hopes they will see another day when the ever present fear for their lives will be behind them. Women who take on the duty to keep their children safe, while fleeing their homes and leaving behind their husbands, brothers, neighbours – and yes, even other women – who take up arms to defend their lives and their freedom.

Women helping women

It is easy to feel like our fight for equality is trivial compared to another’s fight for freedom. Yet, it is BECAUSE we live this life of freedom and relative wealth, that equality MUST prevail. “Westerners” are not ruled by dictators. We do not face imprisonment for speaking out. We can vote. We have a right to an education… Shouldn’t equality be a given? And if it were so, imagine the work we could do by coming together and assisting those outside of our insulated lives.

I don’t know how we can look to our neighbours and not be affronted that women still fight for equal pay. That our sisters deserve to be respected and absolutely not violated. Or that the decisions made by and for our cities, provinces and country are still made almost exclusively by white anglophone middle-aged men…

On International Women’s Day, and everyday, we must stand together, acknowledge and correct the inequality, and fight for those less fortunate than ourselves. At home and abroad.

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Drop me a note in the comments below, or connect with me on Twitter @ceilidhontherun, email me at trish at trishblogs dot com, or use my contact form.

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Managing health with a doctor shortage

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Are you affected by our doctor shortage?

According to a November 2017 article on CBC the doctor shortage amounts to 37,000 Nova Scotians without family doctors. Our family is about to join the ranks with four of us losing our doctor.

We were very fortunate when we left the metro area and moved to the rural town of Yarmouth. With a referral from my doctor, to a doctor he’d worked with in some capacity we had a doctor almost immediately after moving. I know people who went 4 years before finding a new doctor after their doctor’s practise closed.

Today we are faced with our doctor’s practise closing in two months, if he can’t find someone to take over his practise. Fortunately for our community our doctor is moving to another much needed position, at our ER. However, for people such as myself and my daughter who have chronic conditions or frequent health concerns… it just plain sucks.

What does someone needing regular and consistent care do?

It’s not such a big deal for people like my youngest who almost solely sees a doctor in the event of an emergency. But what does someone who needs regular and frequent care do? I’m fortunate to have a specialist who helps me attempt to manage my pain, but I need more than just pain management. And I need someone who is familiar with my history.

I’ve been trying to set myself up to be taking a well-rounded approach to my care. I’ve been reading books on many different approaches to chronic pain management. I see a physiotherapist and a massage therapist regularly. I’ve tried many other modalities and professionals for treatment.

I am attempting to track everything somehow. I use a lot of apps that cross-sync, so most of my data is available on my smartphone.

Not only do we have no choice about who we see, but we have not choice about IF we see someone

The challenge with reading and attempting alternate treatment, is that not all doctors support that. And with a doctor shortage, not only do we have no choice about who we see, but we have no choice about IF we see someone at this point.

If it were possible to see a doctor, nurse practitioner, or other medical professional on an ongoing basis privately, I believe I would. Unfortunately, of the alternate treatment modalities I’ve tried there is not one collaborative source for this that I can find.

I’m seriously considering getting my own wellness coach. Someone who can help me navigate all of this. It’s interesting that even when someone has the skill set to do so for someone else, it is still important to find a third party for ourselves.

Find a wellness coach and support community

If you are looking for someone who understands the challenges of navigating a complex medical and alternative medicine approach to treatment for your own health & wellbeing, contact me. I have done a lot of research and am aware of multiple sources for information and for support.

Want a place to chat with a coach and others in similar circumstances? Join our community.

I hope to see you there! 

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Drop me a note in the comments below, or connect with me on Twitter @ceilidhontherun, email me at ceilidho at ceilidhontherun dot com, or use my contact form!

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Filed Under: Coaching, Health & Fitness, Uncategorized Tagged With: , , ,

Social Worker burnout… not just talk

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When I read the former Minister of Community Services’ response to Child Protection Social Workers’ circumstances and the concerns that the Union has identified I had to speak up.

“We want to make sure our social workers are well supported and we believe they are,” – Kelly Regan

I have kept quiet long enough.

I was reluctant to speak out after ending my permanent employment with the Dept. of Community Services for fear that I may jeopardize things if someday I wish to regain employment with the Province. After reading the former Minister’s comments about the supports in place for our Social Workers, and her absolute lack of concern for their wellbeing, I felt compelled to speak out and likely end all possibility of returning to work for the Provincial government.

I was so stricken by the lack of empathy, compassion or UNDERSTANDING demonstrated by Kelly Regan.  The practices of our current government and its restructuring have done little but exacerbate an already dire situation.

I’d challenge the Minister to go back and conduct exit-interviews with the MANY social workers who left permanent government positions in the last several years (including myself) for jobs with less so-called stability and much lower pay grade before making any further speculation about the support provided to our social workers. In my small office alone I counted 4 of us who did just that during the time immediately surrounding my own resignation. Perhaps it would also be enlightening to spend just a few weeks sitting in the chair of today’s child protection social workers – it wouldn’t take a day to see just how undervalued social workers are.

[Read more…]

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The Finishing School

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The Finishing School by Joanna Goodman

*The following post contains affiliate links. TrishBlogs receives a small percentage of compensation for purchases made via these links.

 

The Finishing School – murder mystery? Coming of age story? This reminds me of an interview I heard with Marg Delahunty on CBC Radio recently!

An easy read with a somewhat predictable ending, yet she was pretty good at getting the reader to head down another path briefly.

Not wanting to spoil anything for anyone considering reading the book…

All I really want to say is how much it disturbs me that these kinds of scandals get covered up for so long in the real world. Speak up! Speak out! Inaction is only supporting the action whether or not you agree with it internally.


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Drop me a note in the comments below, or connect with me on Twitter @ceilidhontherun or email me at trish at trishblogs dot com!

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Filed Under: 50BookPledge, Books, Uncategorized Tagged With: , , ,

Eyeglasses from GlassesShop.com

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Eyeglasses from GlassesShop.com

*Sponsored post

I’m sure you’ve heard of the websites where you can purchase eyeglasses online for a fraction of the cost of your local ophthalmologist and eye wear shop. I know I had, but was always skeptical as to the quality of the prescription eyeglasses. Besides that’s what I pay all that money towards benefits for isn’t it?

Then I was approached by GlassesShop.com to collaborate on their blogger program. I was given a link to follow to order free glasses online. I was impressed by the “Try on” feature where you upload a photo and try the glasses on your own face! It was easy and gave a pretty good idea of how the glasses really would look in the mirror.

I tried a few for fun:

 

I even considererd prescription sunglasses, but I only wear mine for reading and computer work, so the one pair I already have is plenty!

My glasses took just a few weeks to arrive and when they did, I was not disappointed. The only thing was that I hadn’t noticed the nose piece on a style of glasses that I didn’t expect them to be on!

Here I am actually wearing my new glasses that I could have bought at a fraction of the cost of my regular provider:

Now I keep my new glasses at the office or in my purse and I keep my other pair at home. J

If you’re interested in giving GlassesShop.com a try, I have a coupon code for you!

Use GSHOT50 which gives 50% off all eyeglasses and sunglasses with free lenses only throughout their website, with the exception of sales frames.

Share your success with me! I’d love to see your new glasses pix too!

 

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Drop me a note in the comments below, or connect with me on Twitter @ceilidhontherun or email me at trish at trishblogs dot com!

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Life plan? A plan without action is just a dream…

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Life plan? A plan without action is just a dream…

Have you been stuck in a rut? A never-ending cycle of planning, researching, and starting-but-not-quite, only to end up back at the drawing board?

Take action

I have heard this time and again as I have followed several influential side-hustlers/entrepeneurs… “take ACTION”… *don’t wait until you are ready* … take action now, and adjust the plan as it unfolds…

There are so many aspects of life that this is true, but probably most importantly when you are trying to affect change in your life. Action forces the envelope, pushes you outside of your little comfort box, and is how we learn! So go ahead, make mistakes! Then learn from them, and continue taking action!

Taking action, with all of the imperfection that comes along with it, is better than finding yourself in the same place only years older…

I recently stumbled upon aAction blog post of mine from years ago. Written back when my blog was more of a journal. Upon reading, I realized a few things. My life plan was nothing more than a bunch of partially realized or unrealized dreams. AND most of those dreams remain true today, more than seven years later.

There is one significant difference. I am now desperate to take action.

 

I’ve been listening to a lot of podcasts, reading a lot of books, and doing a lot of researching, learning, thinking… and I know that I must take more significant steps than I have in the past. I need to stretch beyond my newer comfort zone, and THEN keep stretching.

There are a lot of great leaders out there. Each has their own way of doing things. Many have a philosophy that they have come to follow. The most common thread among those I have been drawn to: ACTION is much more effective than planning, goal-setting, dreaming. While it is important to have the eye on the prize, it should be evolving, and it cannot evolve without taking steps in a direction beyond the current state.

 

Resources that I have found useful:

Chris Guillebeau – Sidehustleschool.com; $100 Start-up; Born for This

Marie Forleo – B-School; MarieTV

Cathy Heller – Don’t Keep Your Day Job (podcast)

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Drop me a note in the comments below, or connect with me on Twitter @ceilidhontherun or email me at trish at trishblogs dot com!

I invite you to subscribe to my blog using one of the options available on my page (email, rss, Google Connect, like my page on Facebook, etc.)

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