WEST NOVA FAMILY BLOG

Life’s balance, demands and sacrifices / “Left Neglected” response

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I just finished a great book that demonstrated some of my own take on the need for balance in life. Left Neglected is about a corporate mom, with a highly successful and demanding career, living a very fast-paced life with her husband and three children. She is forced to change everything when she has a car accident (because of using her cell phone while driving) and becomes a rehabilitation patient with Left Neglect.

My life was certainly never as fast-paced as hers, nor was the extent of the impact that a demanding life had on me physically. I did however find myself in over my head, with my body telling me I had to make a change. Fibromyalgia, flare-ups, migraines, insomnia, etc. …all are effected by- if not caused by – burning the candle at both ends.

I have always struggled with finding a balance. I love working, and have a strong desire to be a leader and innovator. On the other hand I also love having time to focus on my family. I swung on a pendulum between wanting it all and wanting none of “it” a couple of times before finally coming to the decision that I simply cannot have it all, and won’t be happy with one extreme or the other. So I made a conscious decision to seek a middle ground: part-time employee and part-time at-home parent.

For me life is almost in perfect balance. With a part-time, meaningful job in my field, and the ability to be flexible enough to meet my children’s needs (with the help of my very dedicated spouse) I am more content than I have been for years. I still find myself (often) straying down the path of needing to be busier, and more successful – I have to reign myself in. I have given myself permission to become involved in some personal projects that I can work on at whatever pace works for me at the time. This means sometimes when I have too much on my plate they must take a back burner, but when things slow down they are there for me to pick back up again. 🙂

Balance is whatever works for you. Some people thrive on their careers and find balance in hiring nurturing caregivers that become part of the family. Others choose not to have children at all. Some choose parenthood over the workforce and might return to a career later in life, if ever.

Mostly balance requires accepting the choices we make,while acknowledging that we are the lucky ones. There are few things in life that we don’t have some sort of choice in.

*Left Neglected, by Lisa Genova was provided by Simon & Schuster Canada as a complimentary copy, for participation in the EverythingMom.com National Book Club.

Filed Under: Books, Gratitude, Parenting, West Nova Family Tagged With: ,

My 10-yr-old daughter joins me in the fight for diabetes research & support!

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Help us raise funds for Team Diabetes Bluenose 5K!  This year my 10-year-old daughter has decided she’d like to join in.  Breanna ran the Bluenose Youth run last year and has decided that this year she wants to run for the cause and enter the 5K event!  You can make a donation in support of this cause at the links below.  :)

You can read about my 2010 Team D Bluenose 10K here!

I have once again joined Team Diabetes, a team of people from across Canada who will be crossing the finish line together and who have raised funds to support the more than 2 million Canadians living with diabetes. I will be on the course of the Bluenose Marathon 10K in Halifax, NS on 23 May 2010.

It takes dedication to be part of Team Diabetes, but I am committed to making a big difference in my life, and in the fight against type 1 and type 2 diabetes.

One of the greatest contributions of the Canadian Diabetes Association is toward outstanding Canadian research. But that is not all the Association does – it runs camps for young people with diabetes and provides education and special services to people affected by diabetes in communities across Canada.

Please help me to support people like my sister, Dana, who was diagnosed Type 1 Diabetic 4 years ago (at the age of 30) and suffers numerous health complications due to Diabetes.

As I run the course, you will be with me in spirit and your support will help me be strong all the way to the finish line. A donation for each kilometre is suggested, but whatever you can contribute matters – it all adds up!

To support Breanna on her run, please click here: TBA

If you want to support my mission, please click https://ocp.diabetes.ca/pledge/cspledge.asp?prId=td&oId=1155480&tId=16205

Thank you so much for your generosity!

Trish

Filed Under: Advocacy, Health & Fitness, Parenting, West Nova Family Tagged With: , ,

Running again… yes, I AM a runner!

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Last time I started a training plan just as I was well established in my routine I had a terrible flare-up. It took about six months for me to get my back fixed up and I am still (as always) working on my neck & shoulders. It’s been an excuse not to run (for fear of a flareup or aggravating my already bad shoulders) or bike or swim, or… well, you get the picture. However, I want to get beyond this. I need to push through it, and I need the motivation to do it.

Whenever I feel this need for motivation I pick a goal that has some other motivating factor – in many cases it includes fundraising and raising awareness for a worthy cause – Diabetes. Now is the time. I am about to sign up to run for Team Diabetes at the Bluenose Marathon, again. This time my oldest girly wants to run for them as well. We’re going to run the 5K together. However, I need more motivation than a 5k that I can probably run untrained (I will be running at a ten year-old-who-doesn’t-train’s pace).

Conveniently though I have a team of runners that I cannot let down. We are signed up for the Cabot Trail Relay again this year, just one week after Bluenose. My leg is 17.92km, just 3.2km shy of a Half Marathon. Reality tells me that I need to train for a Half Marathon and the Bluenose will be my taper race. 🙂

Once I am signed up the momentum will begin to build and I will have the drive to get myself back in shape. It is just the way I work. I expect to be registered by Monday night. In the mean time, I need to keep on with my rehabilitative exercises and start with a SLOW build up of training to avoid a flare-up.

Today was a lovely day for my first run of 2011. It was in fact my first run since September. Fortunately one of my closest friends in this city is someone I met because of running and she is happy to help me get moving. Fortunately, I also have another friend who likes my company when running, and both are people I love spending time with. We’ll hopefully have some standing running dates set this week (hear that friends?) If things get really desperate (kidding!), I suppose I can also enlist my pseudo-hubby … 😉

It was a lightly snowing mild winter morning when we headed out for my introductory run today. It was Ang’s short run day, which worked well for me. We did a substantial warm-up walk of 20 minutes, ran 3km, then the same 20 minutes walking to cool-down. It was perfect winter running weather. The sidewalks were clear, and there were runners everywhere! I felt like I was/AM a runner again. 🙂

Filed Under: Health & Fitness, West Nova Family Tagged With: , , , , , , ,

Goal planning for 2011

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Not being one to make resolutions, I look at the new year as a time to make a fresh start. I am always working towards improving my quality of life in all areas, from health and fitness, to mental well being. It’s nice every once in a while to re-evaluate and establish new goals and simply hit reboot. It doesn’t matter where you were at the end of 2010, it’s a new year now and we have a new starting point to work from in 2011.

One thing I’ve learned over the years is that small successes along the way help to motivate me to work towards my goals, so I need to make them achievable within reasonable time frames. When I can check a goal off the list I can then move onto the next goal with confidence. I may have a big picture agenda in mind, but the goals I work on tend to be small and measurable if they are going to help me move forward on my larger agenda.

Some of plans include getting back into a regular fitness routine; continuing my growth in photography; reading more great books; working on my own small business projects; travel; organizing; and more. I’m going to start walking and running again; do a 365 project in photography; take a course in using photoshop; read a mixture of fiction and non-fiction while participating in one or two book clubs; add more content to my website and monetize it; continue blogging regularly and add some creative writing; make a short trip to BC then take my family to Florida; set up a better workspace for myself at home…

Each of these require a plan and small goals with deadlines. I need to spend a few days figuring out just what will work for me (realistically) while still providing a bit of a challenge. Without taking risks and being challenged, there is no growth.

How do you approach your goal planning and execution? Are you a resolution sort of person, or more of an ongoing work in progress? Or perhaps you do a bit of both? I invite you to share some of your goals in the comments section. Let’s make changes happen together!

Filed Under: Gratitude, Health & Fitness, West Nova Family Tagged With: , , , ,

Make the pledge with me! Appreciate someone today!

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I was speaking with a co-worker yesterday about the tendency in our line of work to occasionally envision a more satisfying job doing something “happy”. You know where the purpose of your job is not to help people fix their problems (like many of us social workers do) but instead to further their happiness (i.e. in hospitality). One thing I’ve noted when working in other areas is that I don’t have patience for the complainers or the sense of urgency people have. After having worked in truly urgent environments, my immediate reaction is to think “no one is dieing here!”

We’re all guilty of complaining, of having high expectations, or not showing our appreciation for the successful things, yet making a big deal out of small errors, faults or omissions.

There are lots of similar movements out there, but I’d like to challenge you to make a point every day of complimenting someone for a job well done. Thank the barista for the hot coffee and the smile; tell you hairdresser how much you value their special touches (like that scalp massage); thank your doctor for seeing you on short notice…

To take it up a notch: do so publicly.

And to add to the challenge, for every compliant you make in a day, try to make one additional positive remark to someone that day.

Make your pledge with me to share with someone how they have added to the joy in your day/life… tell a friend/co-worker/family member/service provider you know something you appreciate about them.  Do it now!

Filed Under: Gratitude, West Nova Family Tagged With: , ,

I’m a Mommy Blogger? really?

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My children have changed my life. There is never any doubt about this. Of course, it has happened in the most obvious ways – I get woken in the middle of the night, I require childcare arrangements before I can make my child-free activity plans, my home is cluttered with toys and items strewn about where they left them…

But I tend to talk about how they changed my life in more obtuse ways. I used to be very controlling. Now some might argue I still am, but I know otherwise. 😉 Becoming a mother has meant that eventually I started to let go of that control, little bit by little bit. At first I totally bucked it, and everything that my ex-husband did that was counter to what I wanted to control became a much larger problem. After we split up, I was forced to let go even more. I *could* attempt to control the way things work when they are not at home with me, when they are at their dad’s on weekends and vacations, but to what end? While I have mostly let go. (I’ll admit to lapsing a few times and making a big issue out of something I deemed worthwhile). I’m not saying it was easy, but it has gotten easier.

My children have also helped me to get better at setting all work aside and just being. We will take days and do nothing but spend time together as a family. Of course, being a mom has brought about much work that forces me to not be so care-free, but I value the time spent simply living life, so much more, especially when I do it with the people who I care about most in my life.

They have also given me a much greater appreciation for the ability to care so deeply for another person that you are willing to sacrifice anything for their protection.

Many people define themselves as a parent first, a person/woman/man/other identity second. I have done the same on many occasions. And depending upon the circumstances, I sometimes still do today. When it comes right down to it, being a good mom is the most critical part of being me today. But something being a mother has taught me, is that I need to be ME, first. I can’t be the best mother/spouse/friend/etc. I can be, if I don’t allow myself time to nurture my being.

It is through this need to take care of myself that I re-started a lot of activities that I love. I started running through a need for self-care during a critical time in my (unofficially, still – but that’s another story) former marriage. I went back to school, as a single parent, to improve my chances at a meaningful career. I re-started my hobby with photography when I graduated from University recently. I started writing again because I realized that the exercise of writing once was an integral part of my being. It is because of my children that I had the motivation to be a better me.

So, it is ironic to me, that most people would refer to me as a mommy blogger. While I do occasionally write about my experiences as a mom, or about my children; and while I AM a mother I do not think of myself as a mommy blogger. I blog because writing allows me to ground myself. I write of the many things that I value. I write as an exercise in separating my identity from my outward responsibilities. I think of myself as a blogger, yes; as a mother, without doubt; but as a mommy blogger? I just don’t think it fits.

Do we identify ourselves as mommy nurses, mommy doctors, mommy bus drivers, mommy teachers, mommy police officers, etc.? Generally the mommy descriptor only applies if it is integral to the work we do. Sure I’ve blogged about being a mom. But I also have blogged about running, fundraising for a cause, photography, Nova Scotia, Halifax, poverty… the list goes on. I don’t think anyone would define me as a running blogger (I once blogged only about my efforts at fitness, so at that time it may have applied); or a photography blogger (by any stretch). If I were to define my blogging it would be about life, and perhaps leaning on the edge towards social change.

When I blog I am hoping to connect with people from all walks of life. People who care about life. People who want life to be better for generations to come. This applies to mothers, to be certain. But it also applies to fathers, grandparents, aunts & uncles, friends, caregivers, children, and on and on and on…

Yes, I am a mother. Yes, I am a blogger. Must they be one and the same?

Filed Under: Advocacy, General, Gratitude, Parenting, West Nova Family Tagged With: , , , ,

The problem with my bookworm (or how my childhood is biting me on the A$$)

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My mother will love reading this.

Do you remember those days when you heard “just wait until you have children of your own”?

This stuff is small potatoes, but I really feel like I’m reliving what my mother went through with me when I was the very same age as my darling 9 year old daughter is.

She’s a bookworm. I LOVE that she is a bookworm. I’m a bookworm.

From 2010JulAug

She’s a big sleeper. I’m an insomniac. Lately she’s been waking with huge dark circles under her eyes and behaving like a bear most of the time. She goes to bed without trouble, she doesn’t get up repeatedly with stalling tactics, she’s APPARENTLY getting as much sleep as usual. Maybe she needs an earlier bedtime than previously?

No. I’ve discovered the cause.

When I was her age, I read so much that my parents actually had to limit my access. They tried turning out the hall light (I would huddle at the end of my bed, reading by the stream of light coming in the crack of the door) and who knows how many other tactics. Finally they removed my bookshelf and all of my books except one. I was so addicted to reading, I’d just read the same book over and over, with a flashlight hidden under the covers of my bed (so that no light would escape and be visible from under the crack of my door).

My daughter has been turning on her bedside lamp and reading. Some nights she gets away with it and has fallen asleep with the book in her hand by the time I go check on her. So I started leaving her bedroom door open a crack, with no hall light on. Last week her Bonus Dad discovered a flashlight being put to use to read. Last night I heard the click of her door closing, so I went up to investigate. She had glow bracelets under her pillow and was attempting to open the blinds and let the light from the streetlight stream in her window.

What could I say? What could I do? I SO understand this burning desire to read. I still fight it to this day, staying up past my bedtime because I just want a few more minutes with my book. Being an insomniac this is not a good thing. I have a strict scheduled bedtime for a reason. But I also know how hard it is to get those good sleep habits back, and do not want my daughter going about her days in a overtired stupor.

I explained to her how much she needs her sleep, and how she can read for as much of the day as she likes, during waking hours. The things is, she can’t possibly read much more than she does. Like me she carries a book around with her everywhere she goes. I believe like me she’d read while walking, cycling and playing, if she could do so safely.

I’m really not complaining. I know this is the best problem we could have if it’s the worst of our troubles. But, how do I encourage her to get the sleep she so desperately needs?

I’m hoping someone has a really great suggestion.

Filed Under: General, Parenting, West Nova Family Tagged With: , , , ,

Giving thanks & making connections

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I have great intentions to do gratitude posts, that just never seem to stick (the intentions, not the posts). But this is the time of year (especially this weekend, if you live in Canada) to express your thanks.

I’ve written a lot of disgruntled posts lately, and hate that I haven’t written about many positive things for some time. There is always so much to be grateful for. I am a fortunate woman, born and raised in this wealthy, developed and peaceful nation we call Canada. I am always seeking to change things and make it a better place, but that’s mostly because we ARE so fortunate. This IS a place where change happens. It’s the place where universal health care is one of our paramount values. It’s the place where we pride ourselves for peacekeeping (even if there is some debate of what peacekeeping has been looking like of recent developments), it’s a place where most of us are newcomers (or our families once were) and where we take pride in our diversity.

This diverse nation has so much that adds to its vibrancy from the ice fields to the prairie wheat fields, to the gentle Pacific coast and rugged Atlantic shoreline, to the Great Lakes and rolling hills, to the spectacular Rocky Mountains… Our citizens are just as diverse in so many ways from the colours of our traditional dress, and the varied faith customs of our people, to the small rural towns and urban metro centres. But I can’t say it nearly as well as Shane Koyczan did when he spoke the words “We are More” to the entire globe at the Vancouver Olympics.

This post isn’t about Canada though, it’s about being thankful. It is with gracious acceptance that I choose to raise my children here, in Halifax. Where I feel they have great opportunities, and room to grow. I am thankful that we are able to include them in so many experiences, from cycling along the waterfront, to reading page after page after chapter after chapter after book after book, to traveling to spend time with loved ones, or simply relaxing in our own backyard.

I’m thankful that I have such easy access to so many connections across the globe. That with the birth of the internet my children and I can experience things that never seemed like more than a distant dream just a few short years ago. It is through these vast connections that we stay in touch with our family all over the world, with live chats and video conferences. It is through this unfathomable web of interconnected computer systems that I met my spouse, my partner in life, and my closest friend. It is also through these connections that I have learned of and become acquainted with so many great people. Whether they make me laugh, or think, or join me in a crusade. I’m thankful for social networks like Twitter, Facebook and blogging sites, that facilitate so many connections. It is people like my friend Natalie who has shared her experiences as well as her expertise, or Tim with his fascinating insights into municipal politics and local issues, Chris and his guidance to change the world, Dan at Single Dad Laughing, or Eric Ehm and her YummyMummyClub… It is these people (and so many more) who make life more interesting, and feed my desire to give back more of the same.

I am thankful to have made so many of these connections, and hope to make many, many more. Perhaps you’ll be the next one? Perhaps you know of someone I should be connected with too?

Why not post a comment about what makes you thankful?

Feel free to follow me on Twitter, or follow my RSS feed, or posts by email. Please share my posts on Twitter or Facebook. I love connecting with engaging people and discussing life in all it’s multitude of colours.

Filed Under: General, Gratitude, West Nova Family Tagged With: , ,

The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo / ACK!

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Every week one out of three days my spouse takes the responsibility of driving the “childcare taxi” and I get to leave my car at home and use an alternate form of transportation to commute to work. When I can’t cycle commute, I usually opt to take transit. I look forward to using my commute time to catch up on reading. This morning as I waited for the #80 I sat with my book hoping that I could turn the final page by the time I got to my destination. I looked up as a woman passed by on her morning walk. She saw my book, and couldn’t help but stop and ask how I was enjoying it. My immediate response: “I’m not, or at least wasn’t until about 100 pages ago.” was met with shock! “Your kidding!? I loved the book, and I’ve never before talked to anyone else who didn’t love it too!”

I hear myself utter the words and question myself every time, why are you still reading it? Why not move on to something better? The truth is that when it comes to books I am stubborn. I can’t stand to think I didn’t give it a chance. Everyone kept telling me that it would get better. Plus, I had to to discover what all the hype was about! Why do so many people love this godawful book SO much?!

I never did discover the answers. Granted, the book got more interesting finally around page six hundred and thirty five. But you know when a book is more than 800 pages long, and takes that long to become interesting, sometimes I feel compelled to put it down just so I don’t have to experience the dismay of it ending. I invest so much time and energy in getting to the good part, and then it just ends. In a flash.

For those who loved this book and cannot fathom why I didn’t. You are advised to stop reading, now. The rest of this post is only going to disappoint you further. I have to put into words just how much I disliked this book and why. I’d say I hated it, but it had a few redeeming qualities – although I can’t for the life of me identify what they were.

To begin with the book was just so dry and slow to get started. I know, there are people who are drooling at the mention of financial and corporate mumbo jumbo, but I’m not one of them. At first I excused it, waiting for the groundwork to be laid so we could jump into the story. Then the story took flight and I was waiting. And waiting. Waiting for some substance, some connection, some emotion. I never felt my wait was satisfied.

The characters felt detached, their relationships weren’t believable. I couldn’t imagine the people as existing. Conversations were stilted, like watching some really awful amateur actors attempting to pull off a school play with the direction of an inexperienced self-proclaimed director slash playwrite.

The book was filled with SO many unnecessary details that could have reduced it’s size to something much more manageable. Essentially to me this was a typical run-of-the-mill paperback. It deserved a run-of-the-mill paperback print limitation of about… oh I don’t know… 500 pages would be generous.

And yet the important details were left out that would have brought life to critical scenes. Instead these scenes left me with a bad taste in my mouth. I was truly angry that this author would have the gall to attempt to address the issues that he did, as they were handled so poorly and tastlessly.

And so I arrived at my destination, dismayed that I hadn’t quite finished the book before my final bus stop. The book waited for me. I finished it tonight. The best thing I can say about it right now? “It’s over.”

I don’t believe I will be reading the other two books in the triology.

Filed Under: Books, Reviews, West Nova Family Tagged With: ,

Running Cut-back Week

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Today is the first evening in a week that the house temperature has dropped below 26 celcius INSIDE. Not only that but it’s happened while I was still awake to witness it.  We have Earl to think for this.  We’re currently at 23c (and dropping?).

This realization got me thinking about what else hasn’t happened in a week. I have not been without back pain – in a week. It is really discouraging that every time I get past that 2-3 week hump in establishing a new fitness routine, it seems to happen yet again, a road block. Just as I am feeling successful and excited and beginning to note progress in my abilities, on slam the brakes!  The only good thing about the heat wave and the back pain coinciding is that I haven’t been out running in the 40 celcius humidex.

Today I thought my back pain was gone, but decided to wait before making the decision to head out for a run, within a couple of hours I could feel the strain and twinging once again, this time with far less intensity than earlier in the week. So I took another rest, choosing to make swimming a priority as soon as the girlies returned home from school. With the heat at its highest point of the week it was certainly a welcome option.

The lake was the busiest I’d seen it all summer, and here we are September, coming up on Labour Day – the lifeguards are no longer on duty.  As soon as my spouse arrived on his way home from work (and could supervise our lot) I headed for the open water, away from all the crazy kids who’d arrived directly off of the school bus.  I would have liked to make a second loop, but one of the girlies was having issues that needed to be headed off, so a medium intensity 400ish meter swim was the extent of today’s workout. Tomorrow may be a write-off, unless we have power and my back feels well enough for a treadmill run – I won’t be heading outside in Hurricane/Tropical Storm winds and rains, and I am pretty sure my back will not go for a bike ride, even indoors on the trainer.

Usually at about this time in the cycle I get completely discouraged and feel like I’m back to square one. Not this time. I was consistent and stuck with the plan well enough that I KNOW it will work. After discussing the frustration with my Osteopath he assured me that it’s just a part of starting back up, and that it’s a good sign that my back is feeling significantly better within a week. He did not discourage me from getting back out there, in fact I felt like I had done all the right things for once. So, as soon as I feel ready I’ll be back out there following the same plan, as it turns out my body gave me a forced cut-back week. Not such a bad thing, considering I hadn’t actually figured out that part of the plan yet. 😉

Filed Under: Health & Fitness, West Nova Family Tagged With: , , , ,
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