WEST NOVA FAMILY BLOG

Mom of the Year vs Supermom?

To understate things, I’m not particularly fond of the supermom myth. I don’t know many moms who are. Yet our society continues to perpetuate the idea that moms can and must do it all.

Women fought for the right to be in the workplace, yet didn’t relinquish any of the traditional roles moms have played in households very well. We have this idea that we must strive for everything. We must be successful career women. We must be dedicated self-sacrificing moms. We must be able to manage it all without complaint or even asking for help. Supermom is superhuman. She does not exist!

When I see a contest/award like the Mom of the Year, my immediate reaction is excitement that we are recognizing moms for all of the hard work they do in the toughest job on earth! Yet, my social conscience quickly jumps in with the BUT… but how does this award NOT perpetuate the supermom myth? How do you choose a mom of the year, without highlighting everything that a supermom is? If I had my way, I’d see the award go to an average mom who is struggling like the rest of us to make everything work, but has found a happiness in her role that has flown over to her family. I want a regular everyday mom to be made an example of to the rest of us. We all have our challenges and in each of our own situations, it is likely the toughest thing we’ve ever faced.

I recently had the opportunity to sit down with Karine Ewert, Editor-in-Chief of Today’s Parent magazine, and one of the judges selecting the Mom of the Year. Our conversation could probably fill 20 posts, and there will be a couple of more to come, but I really wanted to learn how a woman who clearly gets that the supermom expectation is doing a huge disservice to moms is going to approach her role in selecting this award.

The first thing Karine told me was how she wished EVERY mom could get an award. All 13000+ nominations, all 9 million plus moms in Canada. This made me smile.

It was so refreshing to hear her speak of the challenges with making time for date night, struggling to get kids to bed (and stay in bed), getting to the office on time, managing the taxiing of the children day in and day out. If the Editor-in chief of a leading parenting magazine struggles with these things, then we all must. The key is that she has found her happy place. She emphasized that it really wasn’t about finding balance, but about being happy. Karine is a self-proclaimed work-aholic, because she loves her job, and would dedicate every moment that she had to it, if she could. Yet, she says the same about her time with her children.

We all have an inner battle going on about preserving our “self” while still being a selfless mom. The stories that have already been submitted in response to Wal-mart’s call out for nominations have been overwhelming. Taking the time to read just a few reminds you of how important the job of being Mom really is. And they reminded me of how moms often put everyone else first.

Even in discussing the wonderful philanthropic aspect of this award it came to the surface. Wal-mart is presenting the Mom of the Year with a $10,000 prize to spend as they see fit, as well as $100,000 to present to the charity of her choice! Each of the other seven top nominees will also receive $10,000 and an additional $10,000 to present to the charity of their choice! As soon as this was mentioned, I pointed out how the moms who are selected will likely feel better about being selected for such an honor knowing they can do something for others with it.

There is still time to nominate the mom in your life for Mom of the Year. Deadline is July 8^th though, so act fast!

Wal-mart has generously provided giftcards for our readers to be entered to win too!

You can enter below for a prize of either $50 or $25 from Wal-mart Canada. Deadline to enter is July 7^th!

a Rafflecopter giveaway

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Filed Under: Contests, General, Parenting, Sponsored, West Nova Family Tagged With: contest, giveaway, Mom of the Year, MOTY, supermom, Today's Parent, Walmart Canada

Leaning into Sharp Points – 50BookPledge – Book 11

by Trish

Leaning into Sharp Points ~ Dr. Stan Goldberg

practical guidance and nurturing support for caregivers

This is a response that is long overdue. Not because I read the book long ago and didn’t write it, but because I received a complimentary copy from the author to read and review back in March. It’s not a difficult read from the standpoint of its writing, nor is it overly long, I simply had to put it down a couple of times because the topics being covered were more difficult for me to read than I’d anticipated at the time. From a grieving perspective, I simply wasn’t where I thought I was yet as I began reading.

I did not have an opportunity to research what it is to be a caregiver before my role as a participant in my mother’s care had come and gone. Her time requiring our care was ultimately short and left no time to consider what it might even mean for those us who cared for her.

Dr. Goldberg has a lot of experience in a multitude of ways with the topics of hospice and caregiving. He has written a book for caregivers that addressed the caregiver’s role and what they need to know from a personal perspective. It’s written such that as a caregiver of a loved one I can know what to expect and have some inkling of how I might handle specific situations as they arise. He approaches the topic with care and concern. His sensitivity for the intimacy of this relationship comes through clearly.

While I found the book especially relevant for those providing long term care of a terminally or chronically ill loved one, pieces of it were relevant even in the short caregiving relationship I had with my mom. What I found might be especially useful for caregivers is the practical information provided. Such as a short description of what active dieing looks like, or how to approach problems with memory or changes in personality, such that the impact on how we provide care to our loved ones can be as positive as possible.

I would happily recommend Leaning Into Sharp Points to anyone faced with the decision to care for their loved one. I hope it can bring the kind of guidance and support that Dr. Goldberg intends by it during one of the most challenging times that may ever be faced.

Filed Under: 50BookPledge, Books, Cancer, Reviews, West Nova Family Tagged With: caregiving, chronic illness, death, Dr. Stan Goldberg, hospice, Leaning Into Sharp Points, terminal illness

Life is short

by Trish

Well, my writing keeps getting stalled and then something else comes along to write about. I’m going nowhere fast and the motivation for today’s post is about exactly that. Living life to the fullest – now. Making sure that I take my life where I want it to go.

I can’t believe the number of reminders I’ve received in recent months and days of just how short life can be. While still reeling from the loss of my mother six months ago tomorrow. At just 59, after a short illness with cancer, her life was too short. I have been trying to do what I need to to make my life count. To be able to say confidently at any given time that if today is to be the day that the book of my life comes to an End I did all that I could to live the life that I wish to. Will I be happy with what I have done with my life to date?

Yesterday, after having the opportunity to give back to an event that has brought me a lot of great memories, I reflected on the new memories made, and the tragic loss of a participant. For the first time in the history of the Cabot Trail Relay, on the final km of the final leg of the 25^th anniversary running, we lost a runner. He was an experienced runner who had raced the Cabot Trail almost as many years as it has been running.

The crew and organizing committee as well as the running community are all mourning with his family. Remembering that he was a runner, but also a man, husband, father, brother, son, friend…

Later today I was delivered more news. This time a life has not been lost, but changed in the blink of an eye, with those oh so dreadful words “you have Cancer”. 27 years old, with cancer that has metastasized to her back, causing a fracture of the sacrum. 27 years old.

It’s news like that of my friend’s; like the loss of Steve Dunn, a 58 year old living a healthy active life; like losing my mom far too early that have caused me to pause and really reflect on life, my dreams and aspirations, and the impact I have had.

Do you take the time to do this? I don’t do it often enough. Nor have I taken it seriously enough until the last few months. Big changes are ahead, and it’s a stormy, rough sea I’ll be sailing for a while. In the end I will be certain I have pursued the life I truly wish to be living. Ultimately, that is what really matters.

Filed Under: General, Gratitude, West Nova Family Tagged With: Cabot Trail Relay, Cancer, change, death, life, running, Steve Dunn

Down the shore

by Trish

A trip down the shore always means a walk around the property inhaling the fresh salt sea air and a walk along the road to the best beachcombing spots around. Flowers are all a bit later coming up here than in the city.

The beaches have incredible driftwood just calling out for gathering or at the very least capturing their images.

Rugged coastline with hundreds of islands and points like this one…

Beachcombing find:

A very old brass pipe fitting? I love how worn and discoloured it has become over the years tossing around in the ocean.

An old road sign that became part of the landscaping:

Driftwood sculptures:

More of the garden plants. Rock gardens seem to be doing fine, even after a little neglect. 🙂

Can anyone name this bird? There is a pair nesting in this lovely birdhouse made by a friend of mom & dad’s:

Photowalks are a great way to notice new details about your surroundings. They also help me focus my mind on beautiful happy, interesting things. 🙂

Filed Under: General, Photos, West Nova Family Tagged With: driftwood, gardens, ocean, Photos, sea, shore

Experimenting in Self Portraiture

by Trish

Kate Inglis wasn’t kidding about how much you can learn about portrait photography by attempting to make a self-portrait! Nor was she kidding about how freaking hard it is to make one! I’m glad I wasn’t trying to jump into a hammock! 😉

So here is my first attempt at an actual shoot. Felt really strange to do, but I’m relatively happy with the results.

Filed Under: General, Photos, West Nova Family Tagged With: Kate Inglis, portraiture, self-portrait, sweetsalty

Reflections on motherhood

by Trish

Yesterday’s workshop at Chester Art Centre with Kate Inglis gave me lots of food for thought regarding self-portraiture as a means of meditating on particular emotions, and on photography & storytelling.

Here I am trying to capture my reflection on motherhood and what it means to me. I think I started getting the process of making a self-portrait, but am still really working on how to get to the depth of emotions.

Raggedy Ann has been with me since birth, or at the very least my first few days of life. Looking at her stitched up neckline, her ratty clothing and her floppy arms reminds me of how much love my mother shared with me. Her expressions of love in the little things (and big things) she did for us, including rescuing my raggedy doll from a heartless purge attempt by someone after a move. 😉

I have a small collection of things that remind me of mom & Nanny that I keep handy for when I need their comforting maternal love. Placed on a shelf next to my reading chair. Sometimes I need only glance in that direction, while others I cling to that little bear trying to breathe in the essence of those two amazing women.

Mothers breathe life into their children, mold them and guide them, nurturing their very being. Only mothers seem able to see right into the soul and really know who their children are. There is an ability from early on to distinguish bits of personality that may be nurtured but never stamped out. Through a mother’s love children become people in the wholest sense of the word.