Expanding on balance, and the choices we live

Expanding upon a previous post, my thoughts on finding balance:

Until a year ago, most of my adult life has been spent spinning – one high-stress situation to the next.

And then I turned a new leaf after nearly a decade of living on edge: first with a leave of absence ? full-time studies; then graduating from university (again). I am just learning how to function in a state of “normal”. Finally: I’m done school; my new job while meaningful is low-stress (in comparison); I have a supportive spouse settled into our life/family; we’ve had our own home (and haven’t moved) for almost three years now, and I am at home one to two days each week…

I have been in over my head so many times, with my body telling me I had to make a change even when I felt like mentally I was coping just fine. I’d have Fibromyalgia flare-ups, migraines, insomnia, etc. …all effected by – if not caused by – burning the candle at both ends.

I have always struggled with finding a balance. I love working, and have a strong desire to be a leader and innovator. On the other hand I also love having time to focus on my family. I have swung on a pendulum between wanting it all and wanting none of “it” a couple of times before finally coming to the decision that I simply cannot. I cannot have “it” all. I won’t be happy with one extreme or the other. So I made a conscious decision to seek a middle ground: part-time employee and part-time at-home parent.

This was not an easy choice. I had to give up the desire to be in charge. Not being woken for urgent calls, not having to rearrange everything in my life for a crisis at work, not scrambling to get my children taken care of, not having to fix everyone else’s problems… these are benefits to my overall well being that are worth making sacrifices for.

Life is almost in perfect balance now. With a part-time, meaningful job in my field, and the ability to be flexible enough to meet my children’s needs (with the help of my very dedicated spouse) I am more content than I have been for years. I still find myself (often) straying down that familiar path of needing to be busier, more involved and more successful. I have to reign myself in. In an attempt to cater to my desire for more I have given myself permission to become involved in some personal projects that I can work on at whatever pace works for me at the time. This means when I have too much on my plate those projects take a back seat, but when things slow down they are there for me to pick back up again. 🙂

Balance is whatever works for you. Some people thrive on careers and find balance in hiring nurturing caregivers that become part of their family. Others choose not to have children at all. Some choose parenthood over the workforce and might return to a career later in life, if ever. I have chosen a middle ground. I may never make the big goals of my career, but I also will not have regrets about spending more time with my family.

Mostly, balance requires accepting the choices we make,while acknowledging that we are the lucky ones. In Canada, there are few things in life that most of us do not have some sort of choice about.