I have been living in a sort of “quarter life crisis” since at least 8 years ago. It came to a head at the age of 29 after the birth of my second child. My marriage was unhappy and struggling but before I had accepted that I had started looking outward for solutions.
I had been a very happy stay-at-home mom for four years, but suddenly determined that I needed to go back to work or school or both, to regain my authentic self. During the process of trying to identify what I really wanted for myself I realized that what was really at the depth of my despair was my unhappiness in my marriage.
I left my husband and returned to the community that felt most like home, with 2 children in tow, entering a second degree (my social work degree) and desperately needing to be employed to support ourselves. So began a long and difficult journey.
I have written multiple business plans over the years, explored funding options, sought endorsements, even begun the initial start-up process, only to halt mid-way and never see my dreams through to fruition. I have always feared that I might have the wrong plan, that I might be headed in the wrong direction. That I didn’t really know my own mind or purpose.
Instead I stuck to the norm, seeking paid employment in areas of my skillset. Only I have found I have always reached a point of dis-satisfaction. My expectations for the role we played, the work ethics we practised, the passion we felt in our work always left me feeling like my standards were set so high that I could never be happy where I was. I have moved on to new jobs for multiple reasons all brought about by my desire to work harder and smarter in an environment not willing to change.
I’m a big picture person, usually seeing the vision before the specific goals and objectives, and always prepared to break new ground to get there. Unfortunately those around me were simply not on the same page.
I have a desire to do something big with my life. To know that my efforts have brought about a positive change in the larger social system of our world.
I’ve been on a journey for years now, often finding my progress met with seemingly insurmountable obstacles. Most recently, just as I began to get a handle on things my mother passed away suddenly after a short aggressive illness with cancer. My mother has taught me so many things, most especially to love life itself and seek the positive in everything. Most recently she helped me see how important it is to never put off that which is important to you.
And so I am like a dog with a bone going after this authentic life NOW, feeling an urgency like I’ve never felt before. As Oprah has said: “this very moment is the only one you know you have for sure.” If we have only this moment, then we’d better make it a good one!
I’ve been actively pursuing goals that I have long put off or been afraid to take action on. I am about to embark on the biggest one yet, starting my own business. It officially begins March 16th.
How are you embracing the moment and living for today in your life?
Trish
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About Trish
