I have tucked this writing prompt away for several days stewing over it. The timing of it is nearly impeccable. In three days my divorce will be effective. My divorce, that has been three years in proceeding, five years coming (since separating), and many more in the making. While I have moved forward, there is still always a part of this process hanging in the background darkening the edges of my being. I look forward to celebrating that cloud being lifted. Celebrating with a life partner whose priority has always been to ease (never cause) my pain.
Separation.
The separation started long before we split up. Emotionally detaching in preparation for the inevitable. When it came time to divide our household, I felt prepared and ready. Or so I thought.
Loss.
The loss came with an unexpected flip-side of relief. While I grieved the loss of our dreams, of our family unit and all that I had envisioned for us and especially for our children, I was relieved that finally a decision had been made… that the endless trying to make it work, that the unbearable feeling of hopelessness, was over. With those losses have come many, many more gains.
Redemption.
Redemption came with knowledge. Knowledge of that which I really need to be happy. What I learned from my failed my marriage: what I can and cannot compromise on. I learned what is really important to me. I learned what I should have known – before I ever married in the first place.
The redemption came when I found everything that I needed, and recognized it thanks to my past experiences.
Love.
Love came at the least expected time. It came while neither of us were looking for it. While both of us were content – separately, with the direction each of our own lives were heading. It came when accepting what we’d found meant moving in an entirely new and unanticipated direction. Love came when we were ready.
