What do YOU want to get out of life?

by

A friend recently suggested that what further education I might choose to pursue really depends upon what my end goal is. And for many people that’s true. And while I acknowledge it’s a big expense for rather selfish reasons, the only true thing I want to get out of my education is to learning something! Something that I’m interested in learning about.

So I decided to follow-up on something I’ve been intending to do for a couple of weeks and read further into the site/movement I stumbled upon recently “The Art of Non-Conformity”, and specifically Chris’ “Brief Guide to World Domination – How to Live a Remarkable Life in a Conventional World *and other important goals”. Chris asks 2 Important questions: #1: What do you really want to get out of life?

#2: What can you offer the world that no one else can?

Before reading further, I want to attempt to answer these questions.

What do I really want to get out of life? This is a huge question. I wonder how many people really think about the answer?

I want to experience as many things as I can. I want to gain knowledge about the world around me, how people are living, and what their needs are. I want to be an agent of change, in a big way! I want to know at the end of my time on this planet that I was an integral part of making things better for those around me, and that my reach extended as far as I could take it. These are lofty goals, I know. And they seem beyond the scope of my abilities, yet a small part of me is certain that one small baby step at a time, I can get there.

I always feel like I’m drifting, I just can’t seem to set me feet down and take root somewhere, but the fact is when I reach a point of realizing that the change making process is going to do me more harm than it will do the good I seek to facilitate reaching, I move on. Selfish? Perhaps? Self-preserving? Absolutely.

Do I want this to continue to be a pattern? Absolutely not. In time I must learn how to overcome yet still maintain my personal well-being.

In the more personal accomplishments sort of vision, I want to travel the world, a lot. I want to raise children who also are change agents, compassionate and driven. I want to know that I have provided for my family, and myself the means to live a healthy life.

What can I offer the world that no one else can?

I think this is impossible to know from this moment, but in hindsight will be obvious. What I have to offer varies with every situation. Integral though is a commitment to care passionately about whatever cause I might pursue in any moment. Also, is the ability to learn and to feel a burning desire to share what I learn in a way that will be beneficial to society. I don’t believe I have unique skills, powers, or even knowledge. But I am certain that my perspective is and always will be unique to me. In fact it will be unique from moment to the next within my own experiences. Because the lens through which I view the world and each situation is ever-changing. I am committed to reflect upon those changes and move forward with confidence that I am making choices that match my values.

Filed Under: General Tagged With: , , , ,

Life can change in a single moment. Sometimes it takes a long time to see the results.

by

When I moved my girlies and I “back home” to Nova Scotia, I envisioned my new life as a single mom to be long, arduous, and worth every hardship. I knew that I didn’t want my girls growing up believing that marriage was an institution they had to accept in whatever form it takes. I want them to know that happiness in life is essential. It may not be a steady flow, but in the big picture being happy should be something that one strives for and hopefully achieves overall.

For me that meant leaving a marriage, in which we’d experienced a great deal of heartache. Granted there were many happy times and two wonderful girls that resulted. However, in the grand scheme of things we were not meant to be – not without each sacrificing parts of ourselves that were inherent in our being. I wanted my girls to know that life is more than getting by, even if it means doing so without a life partner at your side.

So I began the grief process. Grieving a dream that wasn’t to be. Shifting my vision in life to the new reality of there not being a whole nuclear family growing old together.

I have wonderful friends who made life so much easier during the initial transition of our new life. And I sought companionship with no desire for partnership at the time.

One thing my marriage taught me, is what is really important to me. I learned what I am not willing to accept. And I know now what I must have in a life partner, if I am going to have one at all. I know I need respect, first & foremost; that I need to see eye to eye with my partner on most (if not all) of the really important things that I value; that I can trust & rely on him; and that we will live our lives in a genuine way, never deceiving ourselves or one another about our thoughts, values or intentions (even when it might not be what the other wants to hear). When I recognized those things in this crazy adventurer that treated me with the respect I deserved and demanded, the timing was irrelevant. I didn’t want to pass the opportunity by.

And so a new life evolved soon after leaving the past behind. This life is never picture-perfect, but it is one in which it is safe to be real – however ugly (or beautiful) that picture might be sometimes.

The journey hasn’t been perfect – at times it’s downright scary. But it is a journey we choose to take with respect. Respect for each of the people involved, respect for the choices we make and for the gravity (& brevity) of life by times, and respect for how quickly things can change.

Everyday we make a conscious choice to continue the journey and hopefully enrich our lives in the process.

This is what I want my children to grow up knowing: That life is far to valuable to waste. That happiness is imperative. And that respect is non-negotiable.

Filed Under: General, Parenting Tagged With: , , ,

Children & divorce

by

I’m going to offer just a handful of my observations as a soon-to-be-divorced parent: children are far more insightful than we ever give them credit for; there are considerable differences in how siblings view their lives; as the primary parent with whom they reside for more than 85% of the time dad’s weekends when the kids are away CAN (and should) be spent doing whatever suits my fancy.

My nine-year-old was five when we split, my seven-year-old, just three. For more of Seven’s life her dad and I have not been a family, than for the portion of her life that we were a nuclear unit. I rarely hear lamenting from her of how much better it would be if we were all still a family. Her sister says it less now than she used to, but it’s still ultimately what she would wish. I’m not sure what that picture looks like in her mind, but suspect it’s a slight distortion of reality as we once knew it.

Seven’s artistic renditions of family pictures almost seem to include her dad as an after-thought. She’s never been one to talk about him in any serious sort of way. She thinks nothing of skipping one of her bi-weekly weekend visits (he lives 3.5 hours drive from us), and she doesn’t miss me when she’s gone, even for extended stays. Someone once asked her recently if she missed me while I was away on work travel for a week. Without hesitation she reported no. This is just the way it is. It’s really the only way she knows.

Her sister on the other-hand, not only would have missed me, but would have wanted very much to assure me that she did, so I’d know just how important I am to her. Seven just has the confidence that she doesn’t have to tell me, I’ll just know.

As we’ve all grown accustomed to our new lives things have changed. While I struggled for the first year with being “on” 24/7 and needed those weekends to myself so desperately, now we’ve all come so far. There are less crying jags (on all of our parts). We all feel more settled into our new routines. And I miss my babies terribly while they are gone. Don’t get me wrong I still need and appreciate having a little time-off when someone else gets to be the primary parent. In fact I probably take better advantage of the time, but I find myself wishing more for the normalcy of a single household where our lives are less divided. It’s difficult to describe exactly. The more content we all are with our new lives, the more I want of it.

Filed Under: Parenting Tagged With: , , , , ,
« Previous Page