Anti-focus

Sometimes a blank page is a curse. Where on earth do you begin? My life feels that way sometimes. Only it’s not a blank page, there are so many things written all over it, and I can’t focus on any of them. It’s like I have A.D.D. But only in the most abstract way. I can focus on my book (most of the time). I can write essays for school. I can listen to one radio talk show and not feel the need to constantly change stations, seeking more stimulation. Wind doesn’t distract me. The tag in my shirt is just a tag, not a torture device planted to keep me from hearing my teacher/boss speak. But when it comes to the bigger picture, everything pulls my attention in a zillion directions.

From Scenic

I always said I could be a professional student, there is just so much to learn, and I do love learning. But then I am in school and I want so much to be in a meaningful job where people rely on me to meet the challenges and take care of things. I love being home with my children and want to be there for them more than I ever can be. I want to greet them at the door when they take the bus home from school and watch them run down the road with their friends while I bake nourishing muffins then call them in to work on homework. I want to volunteer every free moment doing something really valuable for people and organizations in need. I want to travel the world and back again. I want to found and operate a successful small family business. I want to be an expert that people call on for advice & support within my own unique niche. I want to be self-sustaining: gardening our own food, powering our home ourselves with solar panels and windmills. I want to be a dedicated athlete, getting up every morning to greet the sun while I sweat on a solitary jog, ride or swim. Sweet geezuhs! Just how much money and how many hours in a day, days in a week, weeks in a year, years in a lifetime would it take to accomplish even a small fraction of my dreams?