Life can take so many turns and throw so many obstacles and changes of course at you. Sometimes one must stop, step back and look at things as if from someone else’s viewpoint.
How did I get here? Was I really in that other place just a year ago? If this is where I was headed all along, why didn’t my path bring me to this point sooner?
I’ve always believed that every part of my life has served a purpose and contributes to who I am today. That isn’t to say that I’ve liked it. I wouldn’t wish many of the heartaches I’ve experienced on anyone. Twice married, twice failed. Dreams unfulfilled. Mistaken choices. Childhood bullying. Betrayals and great loss. The list goes on. Even the small things added up to big hurt.
Score-keeping seemed to be the norm in my past relationships. When a scorecard is in place there really is no winning at love. It’s not possible to find real happiness in a relationship in which there is constant reminder of what the other has “given up” to be with you… What they continued to sacrifice on your behalf, and appeared not to appreciate that much was being given in return. Those things that were given in a partnership, becoming stockpiled one-sided inventory of the sacrifices made in an unsatisfactory relationship instead.
Moving on, I thought I had it all figured out. I know what I want, who I’m compatible with in terms of values, and what life goals need to be shared in partnership with a man I can love with all of my heart.
I never dreamed how much my past could come back to challenge that. We must learn from our experiences and they certainly mold who we become, but once in a while I really wish I could just start over. Perhaps not relive things, but just erase those prior chapters and have a new beginning. Couldn’t I just keep the gyst of the life lessons learned before this chapter began… and of course my children?
I like where this new chapter is headed. I want a fresh start, I want to begin life anew with my man. A man who has the sensitivity to listen and to want to build a life with me, even if we must start over right from the ground building a whole new foundation.
I have learned to appreciate whatever comes to be as an improvement over what has been. I can love and be loved, but can I cherish and can I be truly cherished? Would I have a real appreciation of his fun-loving ways? Would I appreciate his generosity? Would I really know how wonderful it is to have him listen attentively to what I am saying? To have him offer validation for how I feel, even when he doesn’t quite “get it” or know how to fix it?
I can, I would, and I do! We all have our flaws, I am certainly no exception. I know that the man I love and am loved by will work with me to overcome those. And in so doing the foundation will be laid stronger.
Have you ever sat back and wondered why? It’s hard not to. Why me? Why now? Why does the universe throw such tough stuff at us? Why do we experience loss and grief? Why do we experience heartache? Why do we struggle to make ends meet?
No, I don’t want to go back. I don’t wish to learn the tough lessons over again. Partial amnesia seems much more palatable. Letting go isn’t easy.
But let go, we must! Ultimately we have so much to gain when we do. New love. Passionate connection. Achieving dreams. Magic & mystery. Lifted spirits. … Joy.
This is I know is what in store for this new chapter of my life and love.
Are you ready to risk it all and let go of the hurts of the past? I want to take the plunge and jump in with both feet! Will you as well? The waters promise to be blissful!
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About Trish
