Life Lessons – Coming Full Circle

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I recently un-celebrated my 38th birthday. It was not a happy day for me. Not for my age, but for recently associated painful memories. And of course… It happened at a time when I was making difficult decisions to protect myself from further heartache, leaving me somewhat alone during some of my darkest days.

 

A wonderful friend provided me with support across the miles and I felt a little less alone.

 

Then things continued changing for me.

 

Everything happens for a reason. We have lessons to be learned and sometimes it takes multiple cracks at it before they have enough depth to begin effecting our lives. < It’s not fun to learn the same lessons over and over so, of course, the sooner we catch on the better. 😉 >

 

I am always trying to remind myself that every experience is a lesson to be learned, to look positively on the process or the outcome, or some aspect that will eventually serve to improve my life.

 

In the midst of it heartache is the hardest to learn from, but in hindsight it could be the simplest lesson to be learned. If only we allow ourselves to live through the hurt and reflect. When we avoid the pain, we tend to relive the lessons.

 

I’ve taken to really trying to live by the philosophy of Now. Live in the moment, live for today. The past is over, tomorrow is yet to come. And every relationship (friend, lover, family, etc.) has a purpose. Sometimes they enter our lives for a reason, sometimes for a period of time, and some will always be there. I try not to over think the purpose too much anymore. I’m not very good at that, and the heartache always seems to be magnified when I give in.

 

I am in a place of transition in every aspect of my life it seems.

 

Trying to establish stable work, a home for my family and eventually a relationship (partner in life) that will grow while feeling stable and safe. I not only feel like I’ve come full circle in that it’s a time to re-establish my life. Those who I rely on for support are those lifetime friends, some of whom have re-entered my life during my time of need. I feel a sense of belonging in a place I haven’t even thought of as home for years.

 

What is to come is yet to be seen. While I try to be proactive and plan, I am also trying to allow what is meant to be to come to fruition without much interference. There’s a certain fear in not directing it all. There’s a certain power in leaving it to the universe. My worries are less. Though I feel somewhat at a loss. I want to be in control of my destiny. I am not.

 

38 may not be old, but it sure feels like late in life to be starting over in some ways.

 

How do you reconcile not having complete control over your destiny? 

 

 

Drop me a note in the comments below, or connect with me on Twitter @ceilidhontherun, email me at ceilidho at ceilidhontherun dot com, or use my contact form!

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Filed Under: balance, General, Health & Fitness Tagged With: , ,

Life is short

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Well, my writing keeps getting stalled and then something else comes along to write about. I’m going nowhere fast and the motivation for today’s post is about exactly that. Living life to the fullest – now. Making sure that I take my life where I want it to go.

 

I can’t believe the number of reminders I’ve received in recent months and days of just how short life can be. While still reeling from the loss of my mother six months ago tomorrow. At just 59, after a short illness with cancer, her life was too short. I have been trying to do what I need to to make my life count. To be able to say confidently at any given time that if today is to be the day that the book of my life comes to an End I did all that I could to live the life that I wish to. Will I be happy with what I have done with my life to date?

 

Yesterday, after having the opportunity to give back to an event that has brought me a lot of great memories, I reflected on the new memories made, and the tragic loss of a participant. For the first time in the history of the Cabot Trail Relay, on the final km of the final leg of the 25th anniversary running, we lost a runner. He was an experienced runner who had raced the Cabot Trail almost as many years as it has been running.

 

The crew and organizing committee as well as the running community are all mourning with his family. Remembering that he was a runner, but also a man, husband, father, brother, son, friend…

 

Later today I was delivered more news. This time a life has not been lost, but changed in the blink of an eye, with those oh so dreadful words “you have Cancer”. 27 years old, with cancer that has metastasized to her back, causing a fracture of the sacrum. 27 years old.

 

It’s news like that of my friend’s; like the loss of Steve Dunn, a 58 year old living a healthy active life; like losing my mom far too early that have caused me to pause and really reflect on life, my dreams and aspirations, and the impact I have had.

 

Do you take the time to do this? I don’t do it often enough. Nor have I taken it seriously enough until the last few months. Big changes are ahead, and it’s a stormy, rough sea I’ll be sailing for a while. In the end I will be certain I have pursued the life I truly wish to be living. Ultimately, that is what really matters.

 

 

 

Filed Under: General, Gratitude, West Nova Family Tagged With: , , , , , ,

I drove all the way to Florida to start running again! ;)

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Sometimes it truly takes the right time and place, nothing more.

I have been trying to get motivated to start running again for two months. Over the couple of years, after a lot of challenging circumstances I’d begun to feel as if every time I started on my plan it would be interrupted. I was hesitating big time, with this nagging at the back of my brain. However, I also realized that running has been my saving grace, a therapy so-to-speak, and do I need a saviour right now!

My pain is beginning to improve marginally, but I know that I need to become active again to feel my best, it’s a difficult situation to find yourself in when chronic pain prevents you from doing what makes you feel best.

I often find that embarking on new routines in life are the best time to implement new activities that I want to become routine. This is a time of big change for me, as I move into working-from-home-business-owner, from part-time employee.

While on a semi (mostly) vacation in the sunshine state, I decided to try to bringing running back into my life. I love to run and I hoped that the relaxed (non-existent) schedule and the weather would help to alleviate the stress and the chronic pain. And with this in mind I would cautiously re-introduce an activity I love!

I have also reintroduced some other activities but they contribute to the relaxed state more than anything: a daily swim in the park’s bathwater warm pool, and a soak in the hot-tub.

On my first full day in Florida, after a very long and eventful (read: frustrated with car problems and 2.5 days in delays) road-trip from Nova Scotia, I was stiff and sore, but determined to get out for a run anyway. I set a very relaxed goal of 20-30 minutes at whatever pace felt comfortable, with the caveat that increased pain would shorten the run without guilt.

I managed a very respectable 25 minutes before a sharp pain in my neck/shoulder (my biggest problem area) indicated it was time to stop.

From Feb 27, 2012


I know I need to be very conservative with my goals so I decided I would run every second day IF I felt like I was up to it. Day 2 in Florida, I woke up thinking how incredibly easy it was to run for the first time after 6 months, and how incredibly sore I could feel as a result! I went for a long walk with dad and his dog.

Today was day 3. I managed to get out the door a fair bit earlier (I did have this ambitious idea before arriving at our destination that I’d roll out of bed as soon as I awoke and head straight out the door – that so far has not come to fruition). I ran for 30 mins (which was my goal) without pain! This is huge. I know it doesn’t sound huge, but This Is HUGE!

I’m not sure exactly what needs to happen to keep this up, so I’m going to be cautious. A run every other day for 30 mins, or until pain increases. With an extra rest day once/week (whenever my body tells me that needs to be)… UNTIL I feel confident I am ready to bump things up. Then? We’ll see what comes next – when the time comes.

What works for you when trying to get back into an activity that you love but has been presenting you with challenges?

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Drop me a note in the comments below, or connect with me on Twitter @ceilidhontherun, email me at ceilidho at ceilidhontherun dot com, or use my contact form!

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Filed Under: balance, Health & Fitness, West Nova Family Tagged With: , , , , ,

2012: 4 weeks gone by! #12er (12in12 challenge) – Day 28

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I want to provide a little update on some personal items.

From 2012-01-27

My core values for my life [Joy Equation]

For those who don’t know me outside of this little blogosphere, and for some who do, you may not realize that I have been off work, since before my mother’s passing, on sickness leave. I have a chronic pain condition called fibromyalgia. I blogged about it here before, but the general idea is that it’s a disease effecting soft tissue that causes moderate to debilitating pain, depending on many factors. Stress is a huge trigger for pain flare-ups, and things only got worse before they started to get better. It’s been a real battle for me over the past year.

I’ve been working hard at a number of things that I hope will help me get back to a healthy state of being. Most of these activities are things anyone could and likely should do to simply live a better life without regret. Mom taught me that this really is the most important thing to keep in mind in life. Will I regret this one day?

So, the main projects I have been working on towards change in my life are getting back into a regular routine of physical activity, trying to find a healthy way of grieving, bringing more joy into my life, appreciating all of the great things that I have in my life, learning new and better ways of being, and making small accomplishments towards bigger achievements. I’m trying to live each day like it’s my last.

We just never do know.

I signed up for a few challenges this year that I hoped would provide me with some motivation. So far it has worked.

The two big things I am accomplishing right now:

I am nearing the end of a successful first month of the 12in12 challenge, for which my goal in January was to walk 30 mins./day.

I have also been taking a class offered by Molly Mahar about bring more joy into your life. I am completing all of the exercises and really loving the introspection involved. I am going to confidently move forward in my life this year making big happy changes!

The biggest change will likely be one I just made official today. I am starting my own business, which will launch in March. As soon as I have a website to share, I’ll pass it along and fill everyone in! 🙂

So that’s my 4 week update. I’d love to hear yours!

Drop me a note in the comments below, or connect with me on Twitter @ceilidhontherun, email me at ceilidho at ceilidhontherun dot com, or use my contact form!

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Filed Under: 12in12, balance, General, Health & Fitness Tagged With: , , , , ,

12 in 12, Month 1, Day 3

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One thing I have learned over the years is that there is usually greater success in making change, for myself and/or for the greater good, when accountable.

Publishing my plans, commitments, goals and inspirations helps keep me on track, especially if I publish regular reports of my progress. It’s the times that I have nothing to report that leave me feeling awful for not sticking with my plan.

I also rely a lot on my Partner-in-crime to keep me honest. He asks me if I did what I committed to doing. He encourages me to fit it in even when I feel like I can’t. He cheers for me when I follow through.

Today I almost didn’t get my walk in. I had great plans and was really looking forward to it. Then things came up, and my pain escalated. Ian came home and sent me out the door before I did anything else. It was a lovely evening for a walk and I truly enjoyed my solitude for the 30 minutes. 🙂

What are you working on that could use a little boost? Have you made it public? Are you reporting to those who know about it? Have you found the strategy to be useful to you?

Drop me a note in the comments below, or connect with me on Twitter @ceilidhontherun, email me at ceilidho at ceilidhontherun dot com, or use my contact form!

I invite you to subscribe to my blog using one of the options available on my page (email, rss, Google Connect, Facebook fanpage, etc.)

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Filed Under: 12in12, balance, General, Health & Fitness Tagged With: , , , , ,

2012 – Day 1

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So here we are, a new day, a new week, a new month, a new year. I made a plan for this year. 12 in 12: 12 commitments, 12 months in 2012. I simply plan that I will commit to one thing every month for the year of 2012. This month I am committed to walking. EVERYday.

There are plenty of changes that I want to make. Not because it is a new year, but because I am on medical leave and need to become healthy again. After an extremely stressful 2011, I can only hope things will begin to improve. Now that the holiday hubbub is over, and all of the major events required after my mother’s death complete, things have GOT to settle down.

I wrote in September how much I was looking forward to October, that is was finally time for me. Two weeks later mom was diagnosed with an untreatable cancer and her health began to decline steadily and rapidly. Time for me, was once again put on the backburner. And time for my mom & dad became the top priority. I still have things I wish to do for my mom, and with my dad, but there are no real timeframes anymore.

So this year is my year. It’s time to figure out what the hell I want to do when I grow up, and it’s time to do it. It’s time to get this pain under control. It’s time to stop living for tomorrow. Rather, to do right now and live for today, for this moment.

So I have things I wish to change, lots of them. I know that to jump in head first will have unwanted results. I need to make small changes in increments and make them for life. So until I get this walking thing established, all other changes that require consistency and discipline will wait.

Today, I walked. Tomorrow, I will walk again. One foot in front of the other. Babysteps to better health and wellness.

From 2011December3WeddingEdits

How do you implement change, and what are your priorities for the foreseeable future?

Drop me a note in the comments below, or connect with me on Twitter @ceilidhontherun, email me at ceilidho at ceilidhontherun dot com, or use my contact form!

I invite you to subscribe to my blog using one of the options available on my page (email, rss, Google Connect, Facebook fanpage, etc.)

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Filed Under: 12in12, balance, General, Health & Fitness Tagged With: , , ,

Out of focus, but not in a blurry sort of way

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I’ve been really struggling lately with keeping focus. Of course, I feel like I’d hardly found it to begin with. Sometimes I wonder if one decision in life could have made all the difference and perhaps changed the direction I have taken, leading to a more focused life. A part of me believes I still would have found my way to where I am right now regardless of the path, but could a different path have allowed me a less painful journey? One that might have afforded me the ability to focus better?

Perhaps not, perhaps it’s just in my make-up. Or perhaps it’s motherhood? Although, I’m quite certain this started long before I became a mom. I will soon be celebrating a decade of motherhood. And I have been flitting from idea to idea, project to project, school to job, job to school, even home to home for almost my entire adulthood. Perhaps it’s just the product of my childhood: growing up the daughter of an RCMP member, grand-daughter of two air force members, moving from posting to posting never calling one specific place “home”. Our family are all gypsies, perhaps I’m just no good at putting down roots.

There are a few things in my life that do keep me grounded, they are my spouse and my children.

My children are my world. We plan our lives around them, while knowing that we must have time for ourselves and activities just for me. But I try to take advantage of every opportunity we can to be together. I took a part-time job that would allow me to be home with them more. Our weekend plans always involve family-focused activities when the girls are at home. We go swimming or we take bike rides, we have movie nights and play board games.  We read together.  Sometimes we plan family outings to farms with u-picks, and sometimes we choose to relax without any plans at all.

Their bonus dad is my significant other, my spouse, my partner in life, my best friend. When we met we shared all of our extra curricular activities (like cycling, running and swimming), now we support one another in those efforts, and our time together is more often spent relaxing at home while the girlies are in bed. Lately we’ve been spending a lot of time exploring our options to make a move into a home that will improve our quality of life in the areas that are most important to us. A lakefront property in an area where we can run and cycle and just plain enjoy the out-of-doors together even more.

So, while they keep me grounded, the rest of me is in the clouds constantly rising and falling, uncertain of the weather down below.

Maybe it’s just me. I had been coping better for a while. Now I’ve begun to feel very low about the physical pain I’ve been experiencing again (still), and the effect that’s had on the sleep that I had just finally gotten under control (mostly). I’d been watching sappy movies all evening on the weekend while catching up on laundry. The movies made me cry, something I rarely do while watching films – especially silly chick flicks.

I keep reading about how to make the most of life, hoping something will jump out at me. And little bits and pieces do and have, so I make incremental changes, but part of me wants to make a huge leap! Am I really ready?

When did you know know it was time to make a significant change in your life?

Filed Under: General Tagged With: , , , , ,

Infinite ways everyday people can Be The Change

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Infinite ways everyday people can Be The Change:

I’m really hoping people will help me out and add times to this list, anything and everything that creates small, medium or huge impact qualifies. Let’s be creative and come up with ways that every single one of us can make change happen in this world!

  • Buy local
  • Run for office
  • Support candidates in election campaigns
  • Join a political riding association
  • Vote
  • Eat organic
  • Eat less meat
  • Boycott bottled water
  • Attend a rally
  • Organize a rally
  • Sign a petition
  • Organize a petition
  • Join a community group
  • Advocate on behalf of someone
  • write a letter to the editor
  • write your elected representative(s)
  • write the Prime Minister
  • Write the department minister
  • Bike to work
  • Walk to work
  • Take transit to work
  • Telecommute
  • Volunteer with children’s groups
  • Volunteer for community organizations
  • Give positive feedback
  • Give constructive Criticism
  • Speak up!
  • Speak out!
  • Make charitable donations
  • Read
  • Be active
  • Turn off the lights
  • Turn down the heat
  • Convert to eco-friendly energy sources
  • Reduce consumption
  • Buy used
  • Recycle
  • Quit smoking
  • Eat healthy
  • Fundraise for a cause
  • Do a charity run/walk/ride

…

Please, let’s keep this list growing…

Make a comment with your ways to Be The Change!

Filed Under: Advocacy Tagged With: , , ,

Rape, child pornography, death, poverty and ignorance. A slow news day?

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I’m not sure what news had the greater effect on me in the last 24 hrs. The Maple Ridge gang rape of a 16 year old girl that was photographed and posted to Facebook (this is child porn by the way), the cyclist killed on the highway in New Brunswick, or this story of the US Senate Minority leader who wouldn’t know suffering if it were to knock him across the head with a 2 by 4.

The gang rape is disturbing on so many levels. A young girl drugged and raped by a group of malicious asses, another malicious ass photographing the scene and posting it all over facebook so that this young girl can be re-victimized every time the photo is viewed, shared, and downloaded, and the fact that kids were chuckling at the situation on the news. People don’t understand that once you put something out on the interweb, there’s no return. You can delete it from its original source, but you can’t take it out of every inbox, hard drive it’s been downloaded to, or new source its been posted.

But what has our world come to when classmates are giggling on national television, claiming that it wasn’t really rape?! How do we get our children’s innocence back? How do we ever go back to a day when any sort of violence, especially sexual was a shameful thing for any child to witness, let alone be party to? Will we ever be able to teach the youth of society what a healthy sexual act or relationship is again?! I despair.

I have two children who will soon come of age. As much as I aim to protect, inform and educate my children, I cannot change how their so-called friends interact with them outside of my home (even within it, I’m afraid). There is a desperate need for a major shift in thinking and fast!

The cyclist / truck accident is sad. I wish I could say it were surprising, but so far this season there has been at least one major fatality / month that was most likely attributed to a driver not respecting the cyclists space and rights to be on the road. The greatest trajedy is that these tragic events result in a slew of hate-messages from anti-cyclist citizens who can’t take a moment to consider the full picture.

And finally I must address the statement made by the US Senate Minority leader that people of incomes higher than $250 000 (that’s two hundred and fifty thousand dollars!!!! annually!!!) were hardest hit by the recession.

Angela Glover Blackwell wrote a poignant article about the true depths of poverty as a result of the recession in the United States of America. It is shocking really. I don’t care how much money in relation to their pre-recession income an individual has lost, if they have not gone from having the ability to feed their family, to a state of survival in which everyday is a worry as to how their children will be fed, a roof kept over their heads, medical bills paid… then they haven’t a leg to stand on with this claim of hardship.

How does a man in the position Mitch McConnell is in have the nerve to make such a statement? Even if (and I’m really stretching to give the man the benefit of the doubt here) he actually understands the depths of poverty and how the real buying power of each dollar for someone in poverty is so significantly less than the same dollar in a high earners’ hand.. even if. How could he be so stupid as to say such a thing?

It is news days like this that I feel compelled to find a way that I personally can have some significant effect and see change as a result of my efforts. I am still at a loss for what my strategy should be.

Filed Under: Advocacy Tagged With: , , , , , , , ,

How must we be catalysts for change?

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I often speak out about issues. I share my opinion on the smallest and biggest things, especially when I get the impression that those around me are not informed about them. I stick to my values, but am also willing to learn from others if they have insights/perspectives I am unfamiliar with or have not considered.

I believe that as members of society it is our duty to look out for others, as well as ourselves. There is a balance that must be maintained, and sometimes shifted, between individual rights and the collective. More than anything I think people simply need to share their opinions and not allow themselves to be silenced. My position in society allows me significant power in certain circumstances, and it is my duty at those times to use my power to assist others to make a shift.

I often share with my friends (i.e. on Facebook and Twitter) news updates, articles and research, as well as events planned in efforts to effect change around issues that I feel passionately about. These issues are far-reaching, as my ultimate vision is that of a society/world where communities are sustainable, power and wealth are distributed such that no one suffers, and that everyone has a voice.

A friend once complained to me about the items that I post. I responded that he didn’t have to read them. They are posted on my own profile/wall/feed, I wasn’t singling him out and posting them on his wall. He didn’t have to follow me. At some point he “de-friended” me. This is okay. I don’t wish to be a burden to him, and I believe that the friends that I have real connections with aren’t troubled by my passion for social justice.

As I see it if I’m not speaking out about the things that I care about/value, then why would anyone listen to my suggestion that they should?

What ways can we as individuals in society be catalysts for change? How do you get involved in your community? Do you write letters to the editor? Or government representatives? Speak out to your friends? Neighbors? Support your local representative, or candidate in the next election? Attend rallies?

What issues are you passionate about? Are your passionate about domestic violence? Early childhood education? Environmental issues? Homelessness? Copyright? Political reform? Women’s equality? Racism?

I’d love to hear examples of how you are acting to effect change in society.

Filed Under: Advocacy Tagged With: , , , ,
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